Shadow
by mwendyr
Summary: She felt like a shadow of something she once was. Tag to Blind Spot. Sequel to Rearrangements. Chapter 10 & 11 is up! Chapter 12 is rated T. Added C14.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Blind Spot Episode Tag. Sequel to Rearrangements.

Pairing: Mike/Alex

Disclaimer: I don't own LOCI or the characters but I borrow them frequently without earning any money from it.

Spoilers: HUGE SPOILERS FOR BLIND SPOT This first chapter contains alot of dialogue and scenes from that episode!

Author's Notes: This story has been a long time coming. Basically this is the Eames kidnapping and the aftermath. You're given scenes from the episode so that you can put what I'm writing into the correct sequence of events but I'm not rewriting anything at all. The episode happened as you watched it; you're just getting to see what happened when the camera was switched off ;)

Reviews: Yes please, they are more welcomed than mince pies (and I love those).

Although the first chapter contains alot of the episode, that's not what will happen all the way through.

**Shadow**

"That creeps me out." Amanda slowly peered around the video store after Bobby suggested that a customer was the killer of her friend, Jenna.

Alex, hoping to make Amanda feel less frightened said, "We can send a squad car for you when your shift ends." Amanda eyes her suspiciously, her nature not at all trusting and with every reason. Alex was suggesting that she'd been followed as well and that it was someone she could have served or was in the store at that very moment.

Whilst Alex was talking Bobby's phone made a small ringing noise and he checked his messages, "It's Declan." Alex turned to him when Bobby mentions his mentor, Declan Gage, "He wants to see me." He didn't use a question but he was asking if it was alright to go and see him.

Alex looked back at Amanda and then back to Bobby, "I'll wait for the tapes, keep it short?" Bobby nods, making a sound of agreement and walks out of the video store, leaving Alex behind to wait for the security tapes on her own.

She didn't have to wait long, however, the tapes were given to her within 15 minutes, leaving her plenty of time to get back to Major Case and get started on viewing them before Bobby finished with meeting Declan. But when she was sitting in the squadroom, looking at the screen for a couple of hours she realised that once again Bobby had lost track of the time.

It was getting dark outside and she could see the squadroom was starting to empty of officers, getting ready to go home and be with their families. Sighing, she pulled out her cellphone and flipped it open. A knock on the doorframe stopped her from actually dialing the number she'd intended to call; Bobby. The person at the door smiled at her as soon as she turned around. The moment Alex realised it was Mike, her face softened a little and she matched his smile. "Hey, you clocking off?" He asked, walking into the room and stepping near to her but not too close.

Alex shook her head, "I need to carry on with this for a while. I gotta wait for Bobby too." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice; she wanted to go home with Mike.

Mike nodded, glumly. Also disappointed but he understood; she was working a case about a serial killer or at least that's what it seemed to be at this point. Taking the few steps that were between them and body contact, Mike gave her a quick kiss that wasn't necessarily correct for the squadroom but considering how late the hour it didn't matter to him. "Well tomorrow I'm _apparently _meeting my new partner in the morning so..." Mike started and Alex grinned.

"Oh, you'll be seeing me tomorrow. You're not getting rid of me that easily." She wanted to kiss him but she didn't want to go overboard; especially with a new Captain around, whom they had yet to inform about their relationship.

Mike smirked, "Wouldn't dream of it."

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The new systems had been installed, finally, a week earlier and they were now fully operational and always being used. The new screens allowed for them to see multiple tapes at any one time. "Video store late at night. Every guy in there looks like a serial killer." Alex commented with a sigh, the late time was getting to her, she could feel herself dragging as the night progressed; feeling a strong urge to fall to sleep.

"They're all to young to be Sebastian." Bobby reasoned, sticking with the theory of the killer being the long hunted Sebastian whom his mentor had chased over a decade ago.

"If it's him." Alex argued, softly. "A copycat could be young."

"Gage." Bobby said, causing her to turn away from the screen and look at him. "He told me that Sebastian used Pierre Laritz lotion. A copycat couldn't know that." Alex frowned as she realised that Bobby meant that Gage had just told him this, she remembered what Ross had told them about discussing ongoing case details with him. Bobby saw her frown and immediately explained, "I didn't mention the case to him, I didn't say a word about it." Bobby held up his hand. "I just listened, he talked to me, pleaded with me to redeem him." Bobby shook his head and Alex understood, even in her groggy state of mind, as sleep threatened to take over her completely, she understood what he was trying to say.

She turned away from him for a moment, "I'm sorry. No one's paying any attention to Jenna." She felt a little guilty about that, Jenna was the victim and that's what they should be concentrating on, "Fresh start in the morning?"

Bobby looked at the screens, "You go. I got a second wind." He took the keyboard off her and she slowly nodded, turning in her chair and casting him a worried glance. Suddenly wondering if she should leave, if she should stay and help him but she knew the answer was no; she'd be of no help in her current state and she could see that Bobby was once again being pulled into the case by his soul. She got up out of her chair and after giving him another look she walked out of the squadroom unaware of what was going to happen to her; too concerned about others.

As she was driving home she had a new urge to go to Mike's apartment but she knew that he'd be asleep by now, it was 2.30am and she also knew that he had to meet his new partner tomorrow; she didn't want him to look unrested for that. She was already worried about how that would work out as it was, she didn't want to add to it. No, she'd go home and sleep in her own bed, on her own.

Reaching her home almost half an hour later, Alex sighed with relief as she opened the car door and quickly got out, despite her tired state she had a renewed energy; enough to get her into her house and into her bed before she completely collapsed from the fatigue. Remembering her stuff in the trunk, she quickly fetched it and locked her car as she reached the steps that led to her house. Walking in, she quickly switched on some lights, picked up her letters and started flicking through them. All the usual rubbish she received; bills, bills, bills.

As she flicked through them she realised that her pet Parakeet was being incredibly quiet, "What's the matter, Polly?" She asked, making conversation with him. "Is 3am too late for-?" She stopped speaking the moment she realised that Polly was not in his cage where he belonged, suddenly concerned she looked around the room. She didn't have chance to even register that there was someone else there, let alone actually defend herself from the ornamental object that was swung at her head, knocking her to the floor and rendering her unconscious.

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Screaming, the sound of dragging curtain hooks on rails and the deadly sound of almost silent footsteps were filling her ears that were burning. Alex's mind was racing as she tried to understand what was going on. She'd woken up with a strange sensation in her upper arms, she could feel the muscles being pulled on, recognising the way she felt stretched beyond return. Her wrists ached, her whole body ached and not just from the lack of sleep that she'd already been suffering from.

She didn't dare think it, she didn't dare even attempt it but she knew what had happened, she knew where she was. Alex knew what was going to happen to her and she knew, if the other victims were anything to go by, it would be over by the morning.

Everytime Alex moved a little she could hear a squeaking sound above her, she tried to be rational so she began to think about what her situation was, she didn't want to let that last thought defeat her. No way was she going to be the victim of the serial killer she and her partner were meant to be hunting; it wasn't meant to be the other way around.

Breathing was difficult, the gag on so tight that she could only breathe through her nose and as she felt a presence beside her the breathing became even more tough and she tried to calm herself down; she had to be strong, she had to be brave. She had to be Alex Eames till the end.

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Mike Logan had spent the better part of the morning waiting.

And waiting.

Mike could've sworn it was his new lot in life to wait for people and the one thing Mike wasn't, was patient. Sighing as he sat in his car, checking his watch again and looking out of the windshield, shaking his head as he realised how futile this was becoming.

He could remember clearly his reaction to the way Captain Ross was doing this. Apparently Detective Megan Wheeler was finishing up a case today and he was to meet her soon after as opposed to waiting till she started at Major Case. It seemed that Daniel Ross was into partners getting to know each other outside of work and to be honest, Mike couldn't be bothered. He'd been there, done that, and he was not interested in buying another t-shirt.

Mike rolled his eyes and with a sigh turned the key in the ignition giving up completely on waiting for his new partner to show up. He didn't care what Ross had to say, what was he meant to do? Sit for the whole day. He had a life to live and work to do, he didn't plan on wasting the whole day, he'd already spent the entire morning in hs car, driving there and now he had to drive back.

He eyed his cell phone in the passenger seat and considered calling Alex, remembering the time however he decided against it. She had that tough case to work on and she was probably busy. But for some reason, the whole drive home, he thoughts were on her and wondering what she was doing.

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"Fascinating." Declan Gage said, as he sat in the interrogation room at Major Case, handcuffed to the table after being arrested for having Alex's phone in his possession and her car keys at his home. "You found Eames' car at-" he paused when his arm pulled on the handcuffs, "-One Police Plaza. There was a body in the trunk but not Eames. Who then?"

Bobby continued to pace the room whilst Captain Ross answered, "Amanda Shin was the third victim, co-worker of your daughters' roommate."

"I see. I see." Declan looked at Bobby, "So he wants to torment you. Shock you when you opened the trunk. His-his-his next move would-"

Ross interrupted, "Goren, this is a waste of time. Charge him. I'll announce Dr Gage's arrest."

"Alright, alright. I'll help you find Eames' body but I want Jo here, safe, till Sebastian is caught." Declan argued as Ross opened the door and tried to leave.

"Fine." Ross looked at Bobby, "Till he's caught." As far as Ross was concerned he had already been caught, Declan Gage was the perp in his eyes.

Ross couldn't believe how this had turned out, he'd expected Bobby to follow him out the door, although Bobby had he'd quickly gone back in when it seemed his 'conversation' with Declan was not over. Not as far as Declan was concerned.

Ross' thoughts were on Alex as he walked into the bullpen just in time to see Mike Logan talking to a few fellow officers, he noticed that Wheeler was not with him, he could hear their conversation because it seemed it was quite heated. "What are you talking about? What don't I know?" Mike asked, he seemed aggitated and frustrated as the two men weren't willing to be the ones to tell him. "What don't I know?" Mike asked again, raising his voice, talking with his hand as he looked at them.

"Well, it's Detective Eames..." One of them started but stopped. Mike's look was deadly as he regarded the officer, taking in the nervous tone of voice and worried glances they were throwing at each other.

Mike's voice was threateningly low, "What about her?" That horrible feeling that you get in your gut suddenly appeared in his and it was twisting as he asked the question. What had happened to her? His mind was racing. He couldn't see Captain Ross walking over to them, all he heard was the officers reply.

"She's been kidnapped."

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TBC

What do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the next part. Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 1!!!

**Shadow**

Red. Pulsing. The heat was almost unbearable.

The anger, on it's own, was enough to send everyone running for the high hills and never return. Ross didn't quite know what to make off it.

Slowly he walked towards the interrogation room where Bobby was coming out of, closing the door and speaking to a uniformed officer. Getting closer Ross could hear the end of his sentence "...want you to put Gage in the interview room."

"Detective?" Ross asked, in a questioning tone of voice. Bobby looked up at the sound of his Captains' voice and nodded.

"I think Declan could help..." Ross held up his hand to stop Bobby from speaking; it worked.

Ross shook his head, "I don't think so. But that's a conversation for later. Right now, however-" Ross looked towards his office. "-I have someone in my office who needs to speak to you." Bobby frowned, he looked towards Ross' office but couldn't tell who was in there. Whoever it was, was male and was sitting down. His body language was agitated and Bobby looked torwards Ross, a puzzled expression on his face. "Now."

Bobby nodded slowly and turned towards the officer he'd been speaking to, "I still want you to move Gage." The officer looked towards Ross who slowly nodded, allowing them to follow Bobby's order. Bobby smiled, a small smile, and not a friendly one. It was just meant to say 'thanks'. Bobby didn't feel particular friendly and he wasn't in a 'good' mood either. Everything was falling apart and he could tell it was his fault; even now as they walked towards Ross' office he could feel the blame surrounding him like a fog; intangible but it felt real enough to him. He'd let her down, the one person in his life who'd excepted him for who he was, and he'd let her down. He felt the guilt and he knew it was true. No one could convince him otherwise.

Walking into Ross' office however, the guilt was replaced with confusion and the recognition as the man turned towards him, standing up and immediately speaking. "You. Son. Of. A. Bitch!" The harsh words were punctuated, as Mike's finger prodded the air with anger and a taste of hate; all directed at Bobby. Bobby's face twisted as he realised what he'd forgotten. "My girlfriend is kidnapped by a psycho serial killer and you just fail to mention it to me!" Despite his anger, the hurt was obvious and Bobby couldn't blame him.

"I-I'm sorry." Bobby knew it was pathetic even when the words were spoken by him but what else was he meant to say. He couldn't bring Alex back, he wished he could take it all back but he couldn't.

"You're sorry?" Mike asked, incredulously. Ross closed his office door and walked around them, in a circle as if the thick atmosphere could be seen as a bubble surrounding the two men. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't split you in half?" Bobby didn't see what good answering that would do. He _did _feel as if he were to blame and he _did _feel that Mike was well within his rights to do that despite the fact that that just wasn't true. Bobby just couldn't see it anymore.

"If I had known that the two of you were-" Ross' sentence just ended as Mike began shaking his head and rubbing it at the same time. Ross figured Mike already knew that so he stopped speaking the obvious and decided to get down to business; blame wouldn't help anything at this point. "Gentlemen, this isn't helping." Both men looked at Ross as if he were alien and Ross tried to ignore it, continuing on, "We need to focus on finding her and getting that information out of Gage."

Mike looked at Bobby and then back at Ross, who was now standing near his desk, "Gage?" He asked, confused.

"Yes. The suspect." Ross replied, only to have the fact argued over.

Bobby shook his head, "We don't know that for sure."

Ross sighed, "He was caught with her cell phone in his possession. Her car keys were in his room." Mike looked between the two of them and although he was still puzzled as to who this Gage was, he didn't care.

"We're charging him right?" Mike asked.

"Yes." Ross replied at the same time Bobby said, "No."

"Oh, this is just fantastic." Mike commented, full of sarcasm and looking directly at Bobby. "Why not?"

Bobby sighed, he began pacing the room again, trying to vent his frustration in a physical but non-violent way, "Because if we charge him he may have a - a psychotic break and then he won't-" Bobby rubbed his face, "He won't help us find her."

Mike snorted, "Beautiful." He muttered, sarcastically, turning away from them both and trying to calm himself down. Turning back to Bobby he said, "Let him break. I don't care." Obviously the calming attempt hadn't worked, his voice was threatening to rise again as the anger welled up inside.

"We can't do that! We need to find her!" Bobby matched Mike's anger with his own.

"Look," Mike said, lowering his voice a notch, "It's him. He won't help us find her." He turned to Ross, "We're wasting our time. This is a waste of time." Mike shook his head in frustration and headed for the door.

"Where are you going, Detective?" Ross asked, forcing Mike to turn back to them for a moment.

Mike sighed, taking hold of the door handle, "I'm gonna join one the teams looking for her. I refuse to sit on my ass!!" Mike swiftly opened the door and slammed it behind him with a satisfying bang. Bobby closed his eyes as Mike's figure disappeared from the squadroom. Trying to steady himself, he hadn't expected that and it hadn't been his fault that he'd forgotten but now he had something else to blame himself for. When Bobby opened his eyes he saw Ross looking at him with a concerned expression.

"Talk to Gage then. Let's find her."

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Bobby opened the door to the interview room, speaking immediately as he entered. "You're daughter's here." He said to Declan as they faced each other, referring to Jo Gage.

Declan was not concerned with that, "Why haven't they charged me?" he asked, looking directly at Bobby, who looked to the floor not wanting to make eye contact.

"I told them that you might have a pyschotic break and we'd lose you." Bobby replied, almost monotone.

"Ha." Declan was impressed, slapping Bobby on the arm. "Good play." He then dived straight into what needed to be discussed. "New theory. Eames is alive." As he spoke he turned away from Bobby and rubbed the hair on his face.

"Based on-" Bobby's voice almost raised, he stopped himself. Still caught in the stress and high emotion of the previous conversation with Mike; in fact the entire day was still with him. He closed the door behind him, not wanting everyone to hear this. "Based on what?" he asked. "Where is she?"

"Exactly." Declan replied, almost cryptic but he did continue. "Sebastian leaves his victims to be discovered. The whole NYPD is looking for her, she should've turned up by now." Bobby felt that slight glimmer of hope but he suppressed it; that was wishful thinking and he couldn't succomb himself to that.

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Alex had been left alone for a long time; too long even. So much for thinking it would be over soon. She couldn't be sure but she knew enough to know that morning had come and gone, and that alot of hours had passed. She'd heard the phone ringing many hours ago so she guessed it was sometime around mid-day. She thought about what everyone was doing outside, enjoying the weather and living their life. She thought about Mike. Did he meet his partner? Is he looking for her? The thought about seeing him again made the image of his face burn itself to her eyes.

Since she'd taken the blindfold away from her eyes she'd realised why she could no longer hear the woman screaming; she was no longer there. And the reason there were no footsteps or the sound of movement anymore was because there was no-one there to create any. The only sound that remained was the squeaking swinging sound from the hook she was hanging from. Dangling, like a piece of forgotten life. She had to get herself out of there so that she was remembered. Looking around the room she noticed a door; a way out. Now all she needed to do was get to it.

Looking up; she saw a way.

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Mike Logan drove around the city. He'd met with a few of the teams looking for her and so far they'd got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Mike's frustration was rising like the temperature of a heat wave and it was threatening to become hotter. Mike's driving style matched his mood, it was jolted and the car was being pulled around corners rather than smoothly turning them.

He couldn't believe that he'd spent the entire morning sitting down, waiting for someone who didn't show, when Alex was going through some kind of hell. He refused to even consider the possibility that she were dead. No. She was alive and he'd find her.

He had no choice but stop the car for a moment to take a breath before he ended up crashing it and putting himself into the hospital. Sighing, he looked toward the police radio and wished that someone would call over to say they'd found her. That clearly wasn't going to happen, all he was getting from the radio was reports about gang fights and the usual problems along with the annoying static.

Of course, he'd wondered if he should tell John Eames what had happened but he didn't want to be the one to face that but he also knew that her father wouldn't be able to help. His cell began ringing and he quickly picked it up, sighing when he noticed it was just a message from his 'new' partner; Megan Wheeler. The message simply said:

_I'm outside at the meet point. Where are you? Wheeler. _

Mike, firstly, couldn't believe it was a text message, and secondly, couldn't believe it was now. After all, she'd had all day and she chose now...

The radio suddenly crackled back into life with something Mike found particularly interesting. _"We've got a call about a female NYPD officer being found alive." _Mike carefully listened for the location and immediately flicked the switch to his sirens and pushed on the accelerator; hard.

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What Mike saw at the scene was chaos and confusion to him but to the professionals it was them doing their jobs. Emergency services all around. An officer tried to stop him from crossing into the scene but Mike lifted up his badge and they let him in through the tape. Seeing someone who looked like they were in charge. "Hey." The man looked at him with a questioning face. "I'm Detective Logan from Major Case."

"We haven't called anyone in yet let alone Major Case." The officer quickly argued, as Mike held up his badge.

"Whatever." Mike said, not wanting this discussion. "What's going on?"

The man sighed, not appreciating the attitude. "We've got to dig her out." Mike looked at him for a moment, considering what he meant by that. The man looked away from Mike, so he followed his line of sight to see officers of the FDNY and NYPD around one area, near a wall whilst workers were using road diggers to cut into the ground. Mike quickly rushed over towards them, not caring if the man had a problem with it.

Everything really was chaos. He couldn't see her. All he could see was people he didn't really want to talk to and people who were trying to get to her but where was she? Mike could feel his blood pumping in his ears and his heart racing. He scanned the whole area and he saw nothing.

Nothing.

Not until he scanned the area for a second time, more intensely and more desperately. When he spotted fingers coming out of a grate he thought he was dreaming it. He had to do a second take. That doubted lasted less than a second before he rushed over towards them to see her, to speak to her; to confirm it. He was on the ground, kneeling, before his brain had even been consulted. "Alex?" His voice sounded hoarse.

The fingers in the grate stretched in response to the voice speaking her name and Mike softly touched them. "Mike?" Her voice echoed and he could tell she was a big cavern or room. He looked into the grate but he couldn't see her, all he could see was white. He held the fingers tighter and smiled, despite the fact she couldn't see it. Her fingers were covered in blood and he could see the blood around her wrist. He tried desperately not to imagine injuries on the rest of her.

"Yeah." He replied, still hoarse. "It's me." Alex's fingers curled around his and Mike felt the relief hit him like a wave. He could hear heavy breathing and he knew it was her. He didn't know what to say to her to help her right now and he figured there wasn't really anything that would help. Words usually failed him and when they did come they were pretty much useless so he just held her fingers, as her grip tightened onto his.

With his spare hand he pulled out his cell phone and, with what was left in him, he dialed the number he knew off by heart.

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Ross quickly came rushing out of his office. The conversation he'd just had still flowing in his mind, he rushed into the interview room where Bobby and Declan were 'discussing'. "Goren. Call came in from Logan." Bobby stood up and look at Ross expectantly. Ross nodded, "He's got her."

"Is she alive?" Declan asked, wondering if his theory had been correct.

Ross nodded, noticing how relieved they both looked and knowing that it was for two different reasons. One cared about her life, the other cared about his own career. "W-where are they taking her?" Bobby asked, rubbing his face as he allowed the relief to flood his body as the need to see his partner started to overcome him as well.

"They're taking her to Kings Hospital as soon as they free her." Ross replied. Bobby opened his mouth to speak but Ross stopped him, "No need to ask. Go."

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TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Shadow**

The pace of walking was fast, unstoppable and it had a distinct rhthym that matched the speed of his heart rate and his desperation to see his partner; alive. The hospital was buzzing with life, both people and machinery making alot of noise, humming and speaking. People were rushing around trying to get information from staff members and others were in a trance, in shock as they slowly walked with no where to go.

Bobby looked behind him to see that Ross was trying to keep up with him. The thing with Bobby was that he had tall legs and he could move a hell of a lot faster than Ross could. Bobby didn't particularly care at this point either, all he cared about was his partner, his best friend. Spotting sight of Mike sitting on some chairs that were lined up against the wall, Bobby realised he'd reached his destination. "Logan?" He called out, no sign of his rushing in his breath just the sound of desperation in his voice.

Mike looked up at him and Bobby stopped for a moment. He saw the anguish on his face and he could see that this was also hitting this man hard and why wouldn't it? As far as Bobby could tell Mike cared for Alex deeply, and despite how much Bobby cared for her he knew that he could never match the way Mike cared for her; loved her. "She's alive. They're, uh, just tending to her injuries." Bobby nodded and sat down next to him.

They both sat quietly. Not saying a word to each other. Bobby rubbed his face as Mike leaned forward in his seat, resting his arms on his knees and clasping his hands together in front of him. Ross finally caught up with them and took a deep breath. "How is she?" he asked. Ross needed to know, not just because he was a Captain but because the pained expressions on their faces gave him cause for concern.

"We're waiting for someone to tell us." Mike replied, quietly but with frustration. He didn't like waiting.

Ross nodded in understanding, he sighed as he looked at them both. Extremely tired, worn out and both men looking a little fragile right now. "I got a call from Wheeler." Ross started but Mike looked out him out the corner of his eye and Ross realised that this wasn't the time or place. Ross was having difficulty. This was his first week as Captain of Major Case and already an officer had been kidnapped. He had hoped his first week would be uneventful. He wanted to get to know his detectives and officers on a level that was easy, not hard. Looking at Mike, he realised that this man was going to be more difficult to figure out than he thought and so was Bobby. It did annoy him that it seemed Bobby couldn't even function without his partner, although he believed it was because she was in mortal danger as opposed to just not being at work. He hoped that was the case.

The three men were disturbed out of their musings when a Doctor approached them, wearing green surgical clothing, a stethoscope and a face mask around his neck. "How is she?" Mike asked, spotting him and immediately standing up. Desperate to know how she was.

"Physically, she's going to be fine. Her upper biceps have some tear in them. She has a minor concussion and lacerations of her wrists." The Doctor replied, speaking quietly but he delivered her injuries in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice. "Minimal blood loss. She's dehydrated. And we're gonna keep her for a few days for observation."

"So - So she's gonna be fine?" Bobby asked, looking at him.

The Doctor nodded, "Yes, we're gonna give her something to help her sleep." He looked at Ross, "If you need any information out of her, now would be the time to do it." Ross nodded, and the Doctor gave them a small smile before leaving them alone.

"Goren. Speak to her, see what she can tell you." Ross told him and Bobby slowly nodded but before he left he hesitated, looking at Mike.

Mike's was clearly hiding how he truly felt about that but Mike had seen her already and he knew that he'd never ask the right questions, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what had happened to her. But then Bobby didn't exactly plan on grilling her about it either. Mike looked at him, a voice screaming at him to say that he'd rather see her but he just nodded, letting Bobby see her. Bobby didn't need anything else, he quickly left them. Mike slowly sat back down and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. He allowed himself to at least feel relieved that she was okay, that she was going to be okay.

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When Bobby walked into the room the first thing he spotted was how small she looked compared to the size of the bed. A bandage wrapped around her head and an oxygen tube in her nose. She spotted him and gave him a small smile. "You look like hell." The Alex-style comment made Bobby smile. Bobby looked at the seat and went to sit in it, looking at the nurse as she spoke to him.

"Five minutes, she'll probably conk out in four." The nurse finished injecting the drugs into her IV and then left, closing the curtain around the bay as she did so.

The sound of the curtain dragging across the bar caused feelings in Alex that she didn't expect. Fear. She tried to move away from it but she couldn't and her breathing quickened as she tried to. Bobby saw her reaction, "What?" He asked, concerned, looking towards the curtain. "That sound?"

Alex wasn't sure whether she wanted to say this but she did, "There was a curtain where he kept me." Her voice was just a whisper and he could hear the fear, on the verge of tears although she was holding it back. "There was a young woman on the other side, screaming." Alex took some more deep breaths and looked at her partner, "He tortured her all night." Her voice breaking.

"Amanda." Bobby told her calmly, Alex recognised the name but couldn't place it. "The video clerk."

Alex sighed in sadness as she realised who that was, remembered her face. She closed her eyes and tried to steady herself. She knew Bobby would want information but she wasn't sure what he was after so she continued, " He blindfolded me. He kept me blindfolded but he took my gag off. He wanted me to scream so I didn't." She looked at him and he could see her determination, the spirit that made her who she was.

Bobby couldn't help but feel pride. That's why she was a good cop. "That's what kept you alive." He realised, he'd wondered what had kept her alive and now he knew, her own determination to survive, along with her pride.

"Mmmm." Alex agreed as if she was only half there, falling into sleep. As if she couldn't hold on to the waking world anymore to speak.

Bobby looked at her, he had to say this, he had to let her know, "I'm sorry." Alex looked at him, shaking her head - he had nothing to be sorry for. She smiled to let him know that, she didn't want him feeling guilty. Bobby smiled a little. Bobby then realised that he needed to get her to say who it was, was it Declan? "You didn't recognise his voice?" Bobby asked, knowing she'd met Declan so she would know if it was him.

Alex looked at him as if she was struggling to focus. Her mind becoming a haze as sleep overtook her. His image fading in front of her. She tried to answer but she no longer had the energy to do that. Bobby watched as she slipped into a sleep in front of him, the drugs taking effect and doing their job. Although she probably would've fallen to sleep without them.

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Bobby walked out of the room and back into the coridor where Mike and Ross were sitting. Mike had a faraway look in his eyes so he didn't notice him straight away but Ross did. "What's going on?" Ross asked, Mike woke himself up and looked at them both, sitting up straighter.

Bobby sighed, "W-we need to go t-to the crime scene." He told Ross and he nodded.

Ross looked at Mike, "I'm going to take guess here but, you're staying?"

Mike shot him a look and snorted, "I'm not leaving her." His tone of voice spoke volumes about his determination. He looked at them as if to say I-dare-you-to-challenge-me-on-this. Ross just nodded.

"Alright." Ross looked at Bobby as he stood up, "Let's go." Bobby nodded and they quickly left, leaving Mike on his own outside of the room where Alex slept.

Of course, Mike didn't actually plan on staying there. Once he stood up he found that his feet took him into the room without him even having to consider it. Seeing the chair next to the bed, Mike sat in it with a heavy thud. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was even, she seemed relaxed but she had a frown on her face that she usually didn't have when she slept. He'd watched her sleep before and she usually looked peaceful but she wasn't now. He lifted his hand up and rested it on her forehead, his thumb gently caressing the middle, above her eyes. He watched as her face twitched a little at the movement and the frown changed a little. Mike wasn't really aware of it but he was comforting her.

And he was being comforted by being in her presence, seeing her alive and breathing was enough for him right now. He trusted Bobby to deal with the case, it wasn't his case anyway, although he did know that when he had the chance he'd beat the crap out of the man responsible. Taking a look at her injuries just made his blood boil with anger and his temper was always on a short fuse. Something to doctor did say burned into his mind. _"Physically, she's going to be fine." _Mike wasn't an idiot, he knew that she'd suffer from this emotionally but he worried about it all the same. He wasn't good with emotional stuff at the best of times. How was he supposed to help her with this? What good could he do?

He just knew that he'd never leave her.

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_"We've got her." _

_Mike let go of her fingers as someone pulled on her from the other side of the world. They'd reached her, they'd found her. He couldn't see anything, he couldn't see her being saved. He stood up and looked around the alley. _

_People moving. People talking. People rushing. His blood was pumping so fast he thought he was going to pass out. When he saw someone helping her walk out from the building he rushed towards her, getting to her at the right moment. _

_The moment where her legs gave in and they collapsed from under her own weight. Her arms instinctively wrapping around his neck and he held her, checking if she was real. God, she was real. He couldn't see anyone else, they were all a blur of movement passed his eyes and around them. She was all that existed. He could feel her trembling as she fought the tears that threatened to overtake her completely. "Mike?" She whispered into his neck and Mike looked down at her, unable to keep the emotion from his voice. _

_"You're okay." He breathed heavily as he felt her resolve crumble and her body shake from the tears that were flowing from her. He took a hold of her legs and lifted her up so that she was no longer having to stand or do anything. _

_He could just make out the paramedics who were waiting for her. Realising she needed to get to hospital, he carried her to them. He didn't care about anyone else, or about how it would've been easier for them to bring a stretcher. He could feel her breathing on his neck and that gave him some comfort. _

_"Mike?" He rested her on the gourney that was waiting for her. She kept a tight grip on his shirt, her fingers tight into a fist around the cloth. "I'm cold." Mike looked at her. _

"...cold." Mike opened his eyes a little and realised that he'd been dreaming, remembering.He hadn't intended to fall to sleep but the sound of her steady breathing had obviously relaxed him more than he thought it would. He looked over at Alex and saw that she was tugging at her oxygen tube and that she was wide awake.

"Alex?" Mike quickly sat up and put his hand back on her forehead. Mike took hold of her hand with his other and pulled her fingers away from the oxygen tube. Alex looked pale and he could feel her shivering. "You're cold?" Mike asked, realising that that last part might not have been a dream. Alex slowly nodded and he smiled at her, as if he was trying to comfort her that way.

Turning away from her he looked around the room for a nurse but couldn't find one. He looked back at her and saw that she was shivering quite hard. Mike sighed and spotted that the bed next to her was empty. He couldn't wait for a nurse and he didn't want to leave her so he reached behind him and grabbed the blanket off of that bed instead. Looking at her, giving her a small smile, he covered her with the blanket and she immediately tried to warm up from it. Mike carefully held her hand and looked at her, silently wondering if she'd be okay.

She had to be.

Alex looked at him and saw that he was thinking but she couldn't see what that was. Reaching out one of her hands she slowly stroked his face with her index finger. He took her hand and kissed it, never taking his eyes off her as he did so. He saw the way that made her smile, "I love you." she whispered, almost to the point where she didn't speak it at all. Mike closed his eyes, he couldn't help it.

When he opened them she was still looking at him. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, gently. "I love you, too." She smiled and took a deep breath, as if she was steadying herself again. Mike watched as she started to look around the room, realising how late it was when she looked back at him she had a puzzled expression on her face, which was developing into a confused frown. Mike shrugged, stroking her cheek, "I'm not going anywhere." He saw that she was still fighting the need to go back to sleep and he started stroking her forehead, wondering if that actually did help. He continued to watch her as she fought her own fatigue, her eye lids drooping but she was quite insistent that she didn't want to sleep but eventually she lost the fight, her body winning her over and sleep overtook her slowly and gently.

Forcing her back into dreams and memories; ones that she didn't want to relive.

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TBC

What do you think so far? I wanted to try to balance the relationships Alex had with both Mike and Bobby in this chapter. Obviously they both have a different kind but they are both on a deep level. I hope it works.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter was written several days ago, however, Christmas swept me away from the computer and obviously I couldn't get back. I hope you all had a fantastic time so far.

A/N. You'll notice the very last scene, at the hospital, where you looking through the window at Goren and Eames, you can only see one side of the bed? Well, Mike's on the other side ;)

**Shadow**

"Jo?" Alex swallowed hard. Her mind almost running away with itself. Her first thought of Jo was always her sister, Joanna, so she had to quickly squash that image, she knew well enough to know that he wasn't referring to her sister. "Jo Gage?" She asked when she remembered there was another Jo she should be aware of and Alex watched Bobby as he nodded slowly, very slowly. Alex closed her eyes but she could still feel Bobby presence on her left side and Mike's on her right. The hospital room usually had this feeling of being big but right now it felt small and she was trying to fight the claustophia she was starting to choke on.

She felt Mike brush his fingers of her hand and she opened her eyes, being pulled back into reality. He didn't know who this Jo was but he still hated her for it, gender didn't matter to him. This Jo was responsible and he hoped she paid for it. "Why?" Alex asked Bobby as he leaned forward in his seat.

Bobby looked at Mike, who also seemed to want to know the answer to that question. Bobby swallowed hard and looked at her. "She, uh, she wanted her fathers' attention."

Alex shook her head, "No, why did she take me?" Alex didn't want to know about why Jo had become a serial killer, that wasn't her concern at all. She didn't care about Jo's background or what made her the way she was. That was always what Bobby did, she just wanted to know why she had to have been kidnapped by her. Mike looked at her, continuing to provide comfort by holding her hand.

Bobby sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Be-because of the attention her father gave to-to me." Bobby stuttered, this was the first time he'd said that out aloud, the first time he'd admitted it to himself. Maybe it was his fault, he should've paid attention to Jo as well, maybe she wouldn't have turned out that way. "I'm sorry."

Alex looked at him and sighed, "I don't want to hear that." Her voice was so quiet and Bobby could see that she was struggling with her own emotions. Annoyed with himself for starting to put his on her as well, he stood up and looked at their surprised expressions; although he didn't notice them.

"I'll, uh, be back." He spoke quietly and then left the room. Alex frowned and looked at Mike, who shrugged. Mike didn't have an explanation for that.

Alex sighed, "What did I say?" she asked Mike, who shrugged again.

Mike shook his head, "I don't know." Mike saw the way it was starting to effect her so he gave her a look. "Don't do that to yourself. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you." Mike saw that his words were having no effect. "Listen, I heard Gage was his mentor, right?" Alex nodded, "Well, maybe that's what's eating at him." Alex didn't even have chance to contemplate that when she heard a knock at the door and saw her father at the door.

"Hey." He said, there was almost the sound of cheer in his voice. John Eames looked at them both. "Can I come in?" Alex smiled and nodded, pleased to see her father.

Mike nodded at him in greeting, "Yeah, uh, I'll be back." Alex looked at Mike in surprise. "I'll only be a minute." Mike kissed her cheek and then smiled at John before leaving the room.

John looked at his daughter and took in her obvious ill state. "How are you holding up, really?"

Alex smiled at him before sighing, "I'm sick of this hospital." she then added almost ruefully, "And I'm tired of people asking me that. How are you?" Her father had to suppress the chuckle. It seemed her attitude had survived the ordeal. But he knew her well enough to know that the wall she was putting up was hiding something painful and she'd never admit it.

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"Hey." Mike's deep voice caused Bobby to turn around quickly. Sighing because he'd hoped to be alone. That's the reason he'd come outside of the hospital, to get some air, to be allowed to think on his own and be with his own thoughts and feelings. "What the hell was that?" Mike asked, the obvious tension in his voice.

"I don't have to explain it to you." Bobby replied, wishing Mike would leave him alone for the moment while he tried to sort things out in his mind.

Mike pulled his arm to get Bobby to turn back to him, "The hell you don't!" Mike pushed.

"Logan-" Bobby started, getting irritated.

Mike interrupted, "-No, you hear me out. Don't do this to her." Mike pointed towards the hospital building, in the general direction of where she was.

With a sigh, Bobby looked at him, respecting him for this but annoyed all the same. "She needs to get better. She doesn't need me in there. She needs you." Bobby argued, knowing he was right.

Mike sighed, he hated arguing with Bobby. "Look, I don't care what's going through your head right now but, she does!" Mike was once again pointing towards the building. "You're partners. You should be talking about this. Don't push her away, you're the only one who can explain this to her!" Mike was insistent and his determination paid off when Bobby sighed, showing signs of defeat.

Defeat that wouldn't last obviously but it was good enough to send Bobby back into that hospital room and see her again. Mike knew he wasn't that good at being convincing and certainly not that quick so he guessed it would only be a matter of time before Bobby did that again but hopefully she wouldn't see it and that it wouldn't be whilst she was in hospital. Mike just wanted her to get better without being given any extra stress or any extra reason to worry.

Bobby agreed to go back in, only so he could explain the things that she didn't know about because he felt he owed her for that. But he knew that he had a huge weight in his mind and that he didn't want to shove any of it onto her, which just made him feel heavier inside. He had to bare his guilt alone; that's what he thought.

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Bobby had done that. He'd gone back into the hospital room, explained to Alex, Mike and John what had happened with Jo Gage and her father. The circumstances that led to Alex's kidnapping and the charges that were being brought up against Jo. Alex had seen in his eyes that he was holding something back, she had an idea of what it was but she was too tired to find out. That and she was still in the hospital meaning she couldn't exactly go charging about after him.

Not that she'd know quite what to say if she did. She was still struggling with her own feelings on the subject and she ddin't want to make it worse by trying to understand his; she needed to be on her best to do that with Bobby and she wasn't there yet. Of course, she had been told that they would let her out of the hospital today if they were satisfied with the tests they ran on her earlier. She could see Mike twiddling his thumbs next to her bed and she smiled. He'd been the only constant she'd had over the past few days. He was still wearing the same shirt and pants that he'd been wearing the day she was brought in. But for some reason, he didn't look dirty, just tired. "Do you think they're gonna let you go?" He asked, seeing she was looking at him.

Alex shrugged, "They'd better do." She looked at him, "You need a shave."

Mike chuckled at her but he knew he'd find that more funny if her happiness went from her smile all the way to her eyes. But it didn't, when she smiled she wasn't all there and he could see that. Mike rubbed his chin, "You think so?"

Alex nodded, finally giving him a better looking smile that at least did something to her eyes, not alot but it was 'something'. She was stopped from commenting further by the Doctor that walked into the room, suddenly hoping for good news, she sat up a little so she could see him better. "How are you feeling?" He asked, politely, looking at Alex.

Alex looked at him, "Fed up."

He nodded, getting used to her comments, "Don't worry. We're going to let you go home." He replied with a small chuckle. The sigh of relief from both Alex and Mike was expected and they didn't disappoint. "But I still want you on bed rest and I want you to come back in a weeks time for us to check your progess." Alex nodded, not willing to argue with the doctors orders. "I still want you to limit the use of your arms for now, that will take a couple weeks to recover." He ordered and Alex nodded again, looking at Mike who smiled at her. "The nurse will get your medication for you and the release papers." The man held out his hand and she shook it, wordlessly thanking him. Inside she was suddenly filled with excitement because she was leaving the _damned _hospital and anticipation because she suddenly realised she hadn't been home since she'd been taken from it.

Since something had happened to Polly...

Why was this the first time she remembered? Mike could see she suddenly changed from happy to worried so he smiled at the Doctor, who nodded and left. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, concern filling his features.

Alex nodded, numbly. "Yeah." she replied, quietly. She looked at him, shaking herself out of it and giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm fine." A smile that Mike didn't believe for a second but he just smiled back at her. Silently wondering if he was doing the right thing. "You're, uh, sister bought you some clothes over last time she was here." Mike told her and Alex nodded, still in her own thoughts but aware enough to hear his words.

They didn't make a movement for those clothes though; they just sat there, thinking, until someone knocked on the door.

Mike looked up to see Bobby and Carolyn stood at the door. This was the first time he'd seen his former partner since she'd left for Special Victims Unit but that didn't register to him. He just pulled a face of recognition and motioned for them to come in. Alex finally realised there was someone else in the room, so she shook herself out of the haze that she'd been in and looked at them. She saw Carolyn and smiled at her. Carolyn walked over to her and leaned forward to give her a warm hug. "So, how are you?" Carolyn asked.

Alex looked at her, biting back a remark about being asked that annoying question again 'how are you'. She swore to herself that if she heard those words again it would be too soon. Instead she said, "They're letting me go."

"Eames, CSU released your house yesterday." Bobby told her, Alex looked at him with a frown, unsure of where he was going with this. "And they fixed the door for you as well."

"Oh." Alex said quietly, realising that that meant she could really go home. Alex had a puzzled expression on her face as she thought about it. "I don't remember the door being broken." Bobby looked at her and Alex quickly realised that the door must've been broken when they were looking for her. "Oh." she repeated. Alex had a remark on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't bring herself to say anything, she just kept quiet. A quiet that was concerning everyone else in the room.

Another knock on the door and a nurse walked in carrying a clipboard and some medicine packets and bottles. "Alex Eames?" She asked, reading the board above Alex's head for the answer. Alex nodded though. The nurse smiled and put the items she'd been carrying on the bedside table. "Okay, if you people could just go out into the coridor for the moment." The nurse gestured towards the door. Mike looked at Alex, who nodded to say he should go. They all left the room, glancing back at her as they did so and Alex just gave them a little wave, whether it was an annoyed wave or a sad wave they couldn't tell. "Right, so these are your discharge papers." The nurse spoke as soon as the others had left the room. "And I'll go through the instructions for the pills for you." Alex nodded. "Where are your clothes, sweetie?" The nurse asked, Alex looked at her. Annoyed by both her sweet voice and the choice of words she'd spoken with.

"I can dress myself." Alex told her, stubbornly. The nurse shook her head.

"The doctor told you to limit the use of your arms. I'm only going to help you." The nurse was also stubborn and Alex groaned in defeat and frustration.

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Sitting out in the coridor on those uncomfortable chair, the three of them were quiet until Carolyn spoke up, "So, is she alright?" She asked Mike, who looked at her for a second before turning away.

"She'll be fine." Carolyn got the impression that Mike didn't want to reveal anything and judging by the look on Bobby's face he thought differently.

Bobby shook his head, "She's not fine. She has the physcological fall-out to deal with. She needs to see a-"

"A what? A shrink?" Mike asked, annoyed. "Let's give her a chance to get better before we shove her in front of one those, huh?"

Carolyn looked at them both and shook her head, "Okay, I'm not quite sure why you two are arguing over this but it isn't going to help her. She needs your support, you can't give that to her if you're arguing about it." They both knew she was right but neither of them moved to say so. Mike sighed and rested his face in his hand for a moment. He didn't like this, he didn't want to argue about it but he'd be damned if someone was going to be telling him how he should help her.

"Let's just get her home." Mike said, lowering his hand away from his face.

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TBC

Let me know what you think so far? Happy New Year everyone!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Podie1** - This is for you. Thank you so much for reviewing, as always your reviews make me happy. This wasn't going to be posted yet but I decided to do so anyway.

**Shadow**

Passing trees, passing buildings and speeding traffic. Anything and everything was moving; living, around her. The car window made everything seem slightly unreal, like she was looking at a TV screen, just a witness to everything. After having something covering her eyes for a long period of time, Alex now felt like seeing was almost new. It was a strange feeling for her and she hated it. She closed her eyes and ignored it, well, she tried to ignore it.

With her eyes squeezed firmly shut, she felt movement beside her and she knew that Mike had noticed something was wrong. She had to show to him that she was okay so she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him, a small smile on her face that she hoped didn't show any weakness. Mike looked back at her and gave her a similair smile; weak, like he wasn't falling for it.

They were both sat in the backseat of Carolyn's car as she drove them to Alex's house after she had been released from the hospital. Bobby was sitting in the front passenger seat, his posture and his silence told them he was deep in thought. But for the first time in a long time Alex felt like she didn't care. Whether it was the events of the past few days finally hitting her or the drowsy effects of medication, she wasn't sure but it was how she felt about that.

Mike was still looking at her, his head laying back on the headrest, his neck twisting as he did so. Without thought she lowered her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes again, once more ignoring the outside world. Maybe it was dark, maybe that's where she wanted to be right now. Mike wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, inviting her to sleep and she took it.

But her sleep was short-lived. The moment the car stopped and the sound of the engine being switched off invaded her senses, she awoke quickly. Immediately knowing where they were. She didn't even get chance to speak, Bobby and Carolyn quickly opened their car doors and closed them behind them. Alex lifted herself up off of Mike and he looked at her with concern, "You okay?" He asked, breaking the silence that had been inside the car from the moment they'd left the hospital. The sound of spoken words were almost piercing. She offered him another weak smile and a nod. "Let's go." He opened the car door and stepped out. He didn't close it though, he stood there and held out his hand for her and she slowly took it. Hesitant and more than just anxious, she stepped out of the car and looked at the building she called a home.

She hadn't been there since...

She shook her head and looked at Mike. She needed to be tough. She needed to be the same strong, resolute person that she always was; she needed to be Alex Eames. The thoughts were similar to the ones that had swam around her head when she'd been hung up, gagged and blindfolded.

"Eames?" Bobby's voice broke through her inner voice. Her eyes broke away from Mike and looked towards her partner. "A-are you coming?" Looking at Bobby and Carolyn she'd could see that they'd already been inside her house. Her mind momentarily wondering why they had the key but she quickly pushed that thought aside with the unmaskable feeling of fear.

She tried to swallow it, she tried to push it away but she couldn't. She looked away from the house, from everyone and looked around the neighborhood. She saw a young man on a pushbike moving slowly passed them, guiding his young son on a smaller pushbike and Alex saw the determination on the little boys face as he pushed down on the peddles and constantly lost his footing, if it weren't for the stabilizers on the back wheel he would've been on the floor. She turned back to her home and felt that fear grip her again. "Alex?" She felt Mike's hand on her arm and she leaned into him, falling into his body, trusting him to be there. Shaking her head as she turned around in his arms that were wrapping themselves around her. She didn't want to say it, she didn't want to do it. She was smart enough to recognise signs of fear and she didn't like, she didn't want it and all she knew was that for some reason it had started here. "Alex?"

Mike's voice seemed to be loosing volume, either that or Alex was loosing her hearing. She looked up at his concerned face and she shook her head at him again. Mike seemed to get the message. Had she spoke out aloud? She knew he understood when he lowered one arm and grabbed her legs from under her and carried her back to the car. She could hear the confused voices of Bobby and Carolyn as they rushed back to the car.

"Logan?" "Mike?" "What are you doing?" "Where are we going?" Their voices were mingling together. What she did notice was that Mike wasn't replying to any of their questions. On her own feet she stepped back into the car and Mike closed the door behind her, turning back to the two that had followed.

Alex leaned back into the seat and steadied herself, trying her best to calm herself down. What was happening to her? This wasn't her. She didn't do this. Looking out the window she could see Mike and Bobby seemed to be talking quite harshly to each other. She couldn't hear them because of their distance away from the car and quiet voices they were using but she could tell that their conversation was far from friendly from the hurt yet intense expression on Bobby's face and the annoyed, frustrated and extremely angry expression on Mike's.

A drowsy feeling filled her, the one that had been hovering over her for the entire journey from the hospital, it took her over and she closed her eyes, allowing it to do so.

----------------------

When they reached their destination he didn't wake her this time. Without waiting, he moved quickly. Opening the car door, standing out and reaching in to carry her in his arms. Before he fully picked Alex up, he tossed his keys to Carolyn. "Thanks, Barek." He said, grateful but not overly showing it. Carolyn nodded at him and walked over to Mike's apartment building door, using the key quickly to open it, holding it open for him to walk through.

Bobby, holding a few items from the car, quickly caught up and followed them into the building.

Reaching his apartment, Carolyn quickly opened the door and Mike rushed in and lowered her onto the sofa. He sighed in relief, thankful he hadn't dropped her, knowing that wouldn't have done her injuries any favours. He heard the door softly close behind him and he stood up to look at the two that had driven them around the entire city, put up with his temper and then helped him. "Thanks." He nodded at them and then rubbed his face.

"You're leaving her there?" Carolyn asked, looking at Alex's sleeping form and back at Mike's tired one.

He nodded, "I figured the couch would be easier to reach before I dropped her." In truth, his bedroom wasn't in a fit shape for anyone to be sleeping in and he needed to tidy it before she slept there. He looked at them as they stood near his door, he could see the way they seemed at unease even though they'd been in his apartment before. "Listen, uh, why don't you come in?" He held out his arm towards a couple of seperate chairs. "Make yourselves at home." They slowly walked into his living area and sat down. He looked at them and shook his head to himself, slightly amused by the way they were acting unsure.

If he were in a good mood he'd get a serious kick out of this.

"Alright, help yourselves to food and drink." He told them, rubbing his hair, taking note of how greasy and unclean it really was. He looked down at Alex and noticed the way she was curling up into a some kind of human ball; cold. Mike grabbed the blanket from the sofa and quickly covered her. Then he looked at Bobby and Carolyn, saying, "I'm going to take a shower." He then walked out of the room, leaving them alone. They watched him leave and they sat in silence for a few moments. Both watching Alex as she slept almost peacefully.

"Are you alright?" Carolyn's soft voice ripped through Bobby's thoughts on his partners welfare.

Bobby nodded, "I'll be fine."

"Really?" Carolyn asked, unsure and unbelieving.

Bobby looked at her and then back at Alex. "I've never seen her like that. It doesn't make any sense for her to be-"

"Be a victim?" Carolyn asked, interrupting. Bobby looked at her. "Because that's what she is. She was taken from that house." Bobby nodded, understanding. Carolyn didn't have to explain human behaviour to Bobby, he understood better than anyone. He stood up and began pacing Mike's small living area. Rubbing the back of his head and neck as he did so.

Looking at Alex and then back at the floor, and then repeating that action. "She - She had a panic attack." Bobby stopped pacing and looked directly at Carolyn, "She needs to go back to that house to fight her fear of it."

"I hope you're not suggesting now." Carolyn started, "Because as you saw-"

Bobby nodded, "I know, I know." He stopped pacing, "But it has to be soon." Carolyn sighed and looked at Alex, back at Bobby and then began to worry. She was worried about Alex and how this was all affecting her and she was worried about the tension that was forming between Mike and Bobby, men who both had their own different ways of handling situations. Men who both had a different kind of relationship with Alex that still existed on a deep level, although Carolyn felt that Bobby should take a step back she wasn't exactly sure how to tell him so.

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Somehow the soothing water running over his head and onto his body was not the comfort it was supposed to be. He found it to be deceptive that the water would seem to be so relaxing and then it would actually make him feel worse. Mike thought that he'd been handling this just fine until now. He didn't really know how to help her, he wasn't even sure he was the right person to support her through this. All he knew was that he had to, it was just a matter of how.

The facade of strong that was all around Alex, and himself, was fading fast and even he could see that. He could also see something deep was troubling her but he didn't know what, he wasn't sure he wanted to know because the moment he did know was the moment he'd have to help her and do the right thing and he didn't know what that was yet.

He had to help her the best way he knew how. He had to do this one step at a time, starting with changing his bedding for her and making sure she was comfortable. He'd been the victim of torture before and he knew that all she needed was time, her own time. So that's what he give her; time.

He stood there and allowed the water to wash over him until the water ran cold.

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The TV was on but nobody was watching it, they were all looking at it, but they weren't taking any of it in. It's like they were all in a daze, except for Alex who was still asleep on the sofa, curled up in the blanket. She'd been asleep for a few hours and Mike was going to wait till she woke up before he moved her again. He didn't want to hurt her so he let her stay there, besides he knew from experience that she actually liked his sofa. They'd slept on it several times over the course of their relationship and she'd always slept quite comfortably on it.

This meant that Mike was having to sit on the floor beside the sofa because Bobby and Carolyn were still there, sat on the chairs, pretending to watch TV. Mike really wanted to sleep himself but it didn't seem like Bobby intended to leave anytime soon. Mike knew why, he could even go so far as to understand why, but it was starting to grate on his nerves. Mike knew that the bond between partners was the one of the strongest bonds that existed and he knew that Bobby and Alex were two parts of a tight team but that didn't change the fact that he felt Bobby was being too crowding about it. He also knew Alex would probably explain it as Bobby just being Bobby, that was who he was but still, Mike wanted to go to bed too and he couldn't do that whilst they were there. He was so tempted to just tell them to leave.

Sighing, Mike stood up and stretched his legs, slightly regretting sitting on the floor for such a prolonged period of time. He walked over to the TV and switched it off. He then looked at Bobby and Carolyn, who were now looking at him. Carolyn had a knowing smile on her face and Mike realised that she'd got the hint. She stood up and looked at Bobby, "Come on, I'll drive you home."

Bobby looked at her and shook his head, "What about Eames?" He asked, pointing towards his sleeping partner.

"What about her?" Carolyn looked at Mike and continued, "I'm assuming she's staying here?" It wasn't really a question, she knew the answer to that. Carolyn really didn't want to be driving everyone around the city again. Mike nodded in response anyway. Carolyn looked back at Bobby and held out her hand, offering it to him. Bobby stood up, taking her hand but not really using her to stand up.

They walked towards the door and Bobby stopped, turning around to look back at Mike. "Will - Will you call me if s-she-" Bobby stopped when he saw the expression on Mike's face that told him he'd understood the question but he wasn't going to be calling him. It was strange to Mike how Bobby had gone from not being sure Alex needed to speak to him to wanting to be called in the middle of the night for an update on her.

Mike just said, "Why don't you try and get some sleep?" He looked at Carolyn, "Thanks. I'm sorry we messed you about a bit there."

Carolyn shrugged, "I expected nothing less." Mike chuckled slightly at the remark and then opened the door for them. Carolyn walked out and waited in the coridor for Bobby to follow, albeit slowly.

Mike ushered for him to move along, "She'll be fine." Bobby moved quicker and left the apartment, no sooner had he done so the door closed behind them after Mike said, "Bye."

Bobby sighed and realised how stupid he was sounding. Mike was quite capable of looking after her and she had stayed there before, probably more times than Bobby would want to know but it didn't stop Bobby from feeling guilty that he'd been the reason she was kidnapped and he felt that he owed it to her to look after her but he knew that that was Mike's job. Carolyn looked at him, shaking her head, "Let's go."

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Mike woke up to the strangest sound. This was a new one, one that he'd never heard before. Upon opening his eyes the first thing he realised that Alex was no longer in the bed with him, the covers had been pulled back on her side. He sat up and then noticed her hair at the bottom of the bed, the sound was coming from her and he finally recognised what it was; the sharp, shaky breathing of someone who was trying to hold back tears. He pulled back the covers and swung his legs out of bed, and quickly walked round to the bottom of the bed to see Alex sitting on the floor, her knees up to her chin and her hands covering her face. Her whole body shaking.

She sensed rather than saw Mike and she spoke, "Make it stop." The words were chilling and her voice was uneven and she choked on tears as they flooded from her, uncovering her face she looked up at Mike. He took one look at the panic in her eyes, and the red stains down her face before he too was on the floor next to her, holding her arms so that she wouldn't cover her face again.

"Stop what?" He asked, desperately.

Alex shook her head, "Make it stop, make it stop." She lowered her head onto her knees and covered her face that way. "Make her stop." She was crying; hard. Something Mike had never seen in her, something he figured no one had ever really seen in her. "Please, make her stop screaming!" She lifted her head in time to see Mike pull her towards him, burying her face in his chest instead. Their legs in all directions as he tried to comfort her. He didn't know how to make that stop. It was as if the plug had been pulled out and she was now releasing every tear she'd ever owned. She was visibly shaking and not because she was cold. Mike felt hot tears stinging his own eyes and he realised he didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to stop her from hearing the screams of a dead woman.

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TBC

I appologise for the lack of dialogue in this one, again. But I think it works better without it. Let me know what you thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Podie1 **Thank you so much. :D I'm pleased your enjoying this so much.

**gogo **Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad that you 'loved it'. :)

**Shadow**

The tears had flowed for a long time. Alex hadn't cried that hard since she was a child, and then she wasn't entirely sure if she'd really cried that hard then. Even when her husband had died, the tears had been free-flowing not sharp and bursting. Mike had held her for the whole time. Once the tears had subsided, he had lifted her up and placed her back onto the bed.

Now they were lying on the bed, Mike was holding her close to him as she took steadying breaths trying to calm herself down. It was still dark, they hadn't switched on any lights, yet the moonlight was brightly shining into the room because they hadn't closed the curtains, for her sake. They hadn't moved from that bedroom. "I should've done something." She whispered. Her voice was so low that Mike had to strain to hear her but he didn't say anything because he wasn't sure what she was referring to. "I waited until there was no one there... before I did anything." She closed her eyes, pausing for several beats. "I should've helped her."

Mike waited a moment before adding a comment, "You'd have been killed." He now knew what she was talking about. She was talking about Amanda, the victim who had been in the torture chamber with Alex, although she had not seen her, she had heard her.

Alex shrugged, "I should've tried anyway." Mike didn't say anything to that. If it had been him, he'd be thinking the same thing. Mike also knew that he wasn't quite so resourceful as Alex and probably wouldn't be alive to think the same thing. "It was so dark." She seemed far away, as if she was still there, still living in that moment. She snorted, "I like the dark." Mike allowed himself a moment to smile at the irony. She took a shaky breath and he pulled her closer, "I can't understand why I'm alive."

Mike cleared his throat, "What do you mean?"

Alex closed her eyes, trying to stop fresh tears from falling, "She was-" she paused, trying not to choke on the tears, "-was a serial killer." Alex opened her eyes and shook her head, "I should be dead." She took several deep breaths but she found it wasn't working. "They're dead, the others are dead, I'm not, why?" She looked back up at him and her attempt to stop the tears failed, and they began to drop down her face. Because she was laying down though the tears were falling down onto his chest as opposed to falling all the way to hers. She looked away and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stem the flow. "What's happening to me?" she whispered, looking up at him as he looked at her. "This isn't me." She had the look of anger on her face, anger at herself, "I don't wake up in the middle of night crying." She quickly pulled away from him and sat up straight, holding her own head and angrily wiping the tears away from her eyes.

Mike sat up as well, looking at her, wondering how to respond to that, knowing she probably needed one. "I would say this is a good reason to." She looked at him for a moment, pondering his reply, wondering if he had meant to say that. Mike shrugged, "I'm not good at this." She slowly looked away from him, thinking, before she looked back at him with a soft smile on her face. Mike was surprised to see it.

She lifted her hand and touched his cheek, "Thank you." She paused, taking a deep breath. "For trying. You don't need to say anything." Mike toook her hand from his cheek and kissed it. "I thought of you." She added with a small smile, her eyes lighting up a little at the memory before they turned dark again and that smile faded. "When I was there, and I was trying-" she closed her eyes, "-to block out everything. I couldn't see anything. She blindfolded me, but-" she paused, opening her eyes and looking directly into his, "-I could see you."

Mike pulled her into him again and whispered into her ear, "I'm glad I was there."

"Me too." Breathing him in, his scent, that unique smell that Mike Logan always seemed to have and the smoothness of his... "Hey, you've had a shave." Mike chuckled and rubbed his chin into her shoulder. Feeling happy that he'd at least made her feel better enough to finally notice that the forbidden facial hair had now been removed.

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Morning came abruptly. Sleep had barely rejuvenated them, they'd barely had time to. Spending most of the night talking, crying and then talking some more. He wasn't sure talking was helping him get any sleep but it seemed to be helping her, shame he wasn't a shrink because he could've really helped her then. Mike opened his eyes and immediately closed them, cursing the sun for shining through the window so brightly.

And for himself for sleeping in to the point where it would blind him. But not cursing himself for not closing the curtains, that was unavoidable. He felt a movement beside him and he opened his eyes, getting used to light, he looked at Alex and noticed that she was wincing but trying to go back to sleep. Well, at least she had been sleeping more than he was. The passed three days whilst she'd been in hospital, in a bed, sleeping, he'd been there with her, sitting in a chair and not sleeping so well.

"You okay?" He asked her, quietly, turning onto his side so that he was facing her. She opened one eye and then closed it.

"No." She said, quickly. Sighing hard.

Mike watched the pained expression on her face with concern, "You in pain?"

Alex snorted, "Gee, what gave me away?" Her words were punctuated with hard breathing, she was definitely in pain.

Mike rolled his eyes at her attitude, well that was to be expected. Mike pulled back the covers and sat up, "I'll get 'em." He then walked out of the room and quickly returned with the bag full of medication the nurse had prescribed for her. He opened it and shot his head back up at her, "How many do you need?"

Alex opened her eye again and looked at him, "Just the same one I had last night."

Mike pulled one packet out that looked like it had been opened, assuming it was her who had opened it, he shrugged and passed it to her. "You know, you're gonna need to sit up to do this." He reached over to help her but she shook her head.

"I can do it!" She quickly said, trying to lift herself up but her arms were hurting too much. The muscles complaining at being used when they clearly were still recovering from the amount of strain they'd already been under. She tried for several minutes before giving up and collapsing in the bed. "No, I can't."

Mike held her torso and pulled her into the sitting position, her head resting on the headboard. He then looked at the water on the bedside table and then passed the glass to her. He didn't say anything about how he'd had to help her with that, he didn't push it at all. He just grabbed his pants and shirt, putting them on whilst she took the medication. As he fastened his belt around his pants he noticed that she had a dark look on her face, and that the tablet was still in the palm of her hand. "Hey, you alright?" He asked, full of concern, stepping up to the bed and sitting next to her.

She looked at him, worried. "What if this is what's making me...?" Her sentence trailed off, she was referring to last night and he knew that.

Mike looked at the tablet and then back at her, "So if it is, then you know about it and you can deal with it. Look, you're not gonna sit there and tell me you don't want it. You need it. I can see the agony on your face."

"But-"

"No buts. Have it." He practically ordered, only to be met with a raised eyebrow from Alex and a questioning look on her face. "You're not gonna get better without it." He reasoned and she looked back down at the tablet and quickly swallowed it before she could doubt herself anymore. Swallowing the entire glass of water as she did so. "Better?" Mike asked, taking the glass off her, slightly amazed that she'd downed it so fast.

Alex nodded, wiping her mouth. "Much." Even though it wasn't true, there hadn't even been time for the medication to disolve in her stomach let alone actually start taking effect.

Mike kissed her, "Good." He moved to leave put she put a hand on his arm to stop him. He turned back to her and was met with another kiss. Deepening it without consulting their brains or even waiting, Mike propped himself over her with his hands on the mattress, only momentarily wondering if this was taking her mind off of the pain.

She didn't move her arms because of the pain but there was nothing wrong with her head. She felt a moan escape her throat at the same time a ring escaped the speaker of the telephone. They seperated immediately, both wondering who was calling. Mike reached over and picked up the receiver, "Logan... Yeah, she's fine..." Alex looked at him, knowing that she was the topic of conversation, "Well, I wasn't going to unless it was necessary..." Mike looked at her in response to something that was being said down the phone. "She's asleep." Alex raised both her eyebrows but chose not to say anything to give it away, she didn't feel like talking to anyone anyway, "I'll tell her, thanks." Mike put the phone down and looked at her with a slightly amused expression.

"Who was that?" Alex finally asked, fed up with waiting for him to tell her.

Mike shrugged, "Goren."

She looked at him, a smirk on her face that she was trying very hard not to show. "Oh." She smiled, "You told him I was asleep."

"Yeah." Mike nodded, "Yeah, I did."

"I'm not asleep." Alex pointed out, her voice showing that she wasn't angry with him or annoyed, she was actually finding it funny.

"No." Mike shook his head, "No, you're not." Alex looked down at her legs, not really looking at them but picturing Bobby's reaction when he finds that Mike just told him a white lie. A smirk appeared on her face and she looked at Mike, suddenly aware that this was taking her mind off the pain, which only brought it back. The smirk faded to be replaced with the same pained expression she'd woken up with. "Anyway, we got stuff to deal with."

Alex looked at him, her hands going to her upper arms trying to rub the pain away, "We do?"

He nodded, "Yeah, sure. I gotta go and get you some stuff." Alex frowned, confused. "Unless you want to keep wearing the same clothes."

Alex thought about that for a moment, wondering if she really needed to wear different clothes, "I could wear yours." She suggested. Mike shot her a look and shook his head. "Why not?"

He smirked, "Because they'd bury you, besides I don't have enough clothes for that." She thought for another moment, looking around the room and realising that that would mean she would be alone whilst he did that. One moment turned into two, which turned into three and Mike grew concerned as the moments passed. "Alex?" She looked up at him, a quizzical look on her face. "You alright with that?" She suddenly realised that she'd slipped into a daze and not continued the conversation through to the end. Alex nodded, slowly.

"Yeah." She shook herself out of her own thoughts to give him a proper response.

The phone began ringing again and Mike shot it a suspicious look before looking back at Alex, "Who gave him my number?"

Alex shrugged, "Not me."

Mike reached over and picked it up again, "Logan." This time he sounded irritated, only to be replaced with surprise and then a little cheeriness, "Hey, how ya doing?" Alex frowned because she didn't know who it was. "No, she's doing okay. Listen I need a favour. You mind coming over to look-" Mike looked at Alex, immediately changing his sentence, "-to stay with her whilst I fetch some things." Alex really wanted to know who he was talking to but she was thankful she hadn't had to explain to him that she didn't want to be left alone, once again he was surprising her with his understanding. "Fantastic. You know where I live?... Yeah. You want to speak to her?" Mike asked, knowing full well that Alex was dying to find out who was on the phone.

He passed her the phone and Alex immediately spoke into it, however she was quiet. "Hello... Hi Dad." The smile that crept up on her face was small but it seemed to be a happy smile. "I'm okay." She looked at Mike and he could see that she wasn't; she was far from okay. Mike left her alone to speak to him whilst he got some stuff together and hunted for that key for her house that Bobby had given to him. Since the lock had to be changed because the door was smashed through in their frantic search for Alex, she now didn't have a key.

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Mike walked into Alex's house and placed the key into his pocket. He sighed as he looked around the room; it was so tidy. It was so quiet, eerily so. What Mike couldn't figure out was why it was so quiet. There was usually some noise about, something that always pierced his ear drum and made it's presence known.

Realisation hit Mike like a truck; he knew what was missing. His eyes immediately flew to the empty bird cage and he frowned. "Polly?" He called out, not really expecting an answer. That bird never really did like him. The squawking it made was generally ignored by Mike, but he found it strange that he'd realised it was missing, even though he usually ignored the bird entirely.

Upon seeing the empty cage however, he realised that that bird was definitely gone. If it hadn't been let out of the house by someone else, it certainly wouldn't have survived without food. Although Mike didn't truly care about it, he knew that Alex did since she was always fond of him. Walking past the cage, Mike headed straight for the bedroom and opened up some drawers and started hunting for some clothes to shove into the bag he'd brought with him. Only momentarily pausing as he realised he was hunting through the underwear drawer, taking a moment to look at them before shaking his head and quickly tossing them in the bag. He couldn't tell her about that one then.

Once he'd collected everything he thought she'd need, not that he was sure exactly what she would need, he walked back through towards the door, stopping in the living area and taking another look around. An idea starting to form in his head, he wasn't sure if it was a good one but it was forming anyway. He pursed his lips together in thought and then pulled out his cellphone, quickly dialing a certain number. He waited for the person on the other end to pick up, to say they were surprised would've been an understatement. Mike quickly spoke, pushing away any words the other person planned to say, "Yeah, it's me. Firstly I owe you an apology, secondly, meet me at your partners' house. I've got an idea and you're perfect for the job."

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Mike walked into his apartment and was surprised when he saw Johnny Eames and Jo Bennett, Alex's sister, sat down in his living area, being incredibly quiet and looking deep in thought. He kept the door open to allow Bobby to follow him. Bobby quickly followed and closed the door. Mike slowly walked over to Johnny and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

Johnny quickly nodded, "Yeah, sure. I was just thinking."

"That looked pretty deep." Mike commented, "What the hell were you thinking about?"

Jo snorted, "Just the meaning of life." She joked, looking at Mike with a small, humorous smile.

Bobby walked over to them and nodded in greeting. "Hey son, how ya doing?" Johnny asked him.

Nodding, Bobby replied, "I'm okay."

"Is she alright?" Mike asked, quickly changing the topic to something important as opposed to just small talk.

"Well, we're not sure actually." Jo replied, looking worried, "You see, when you left she was really talkative but now she's in there-" Jo pointed towards Mike's bedroom, "-just lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and not saying 'boo' to anyone." Jo shrugged, she couldn't understand this. "She's just not talking. I've never seen her like that."

Bobby looked at them, and slowly began speaking, "She's been through a traumatic experience a-and she needs time to deal with it on her own terms." Bobby paused as he thought about it, "There is a difference between seeing it everyday and actually experiencing it."

"So you're saying she needs time?" Jo asked, unsure. Bobby nodded. Jo sighed, "I don't know. Alex is pretty stubborn about things, it might be better if we shove her in the right direction." Jo made a pushing movement with her hand as she spoke.

Mike pulled a face of disagreement, he didn't want to do force her to deal with anything yet, "I don't know about that."

"Neither do I." Johnny agreed with Mike, "She _is _stubborn, which means we shove her one way, she's gonna go the other."

"She's never been like this before. This is different." Jo argued, "She wasn't even like this when Joe died." Jo referred to Alex's former husband who died in the line of duty.

"Well that was because-" Johnny stopped speaking. Glancing towards Bobby and Mike, quickly changing his thought. "That's different and you know it."

Mike looked at Alex's father, a frown on his face, "That was because of what?" But he shook his head in response, he wasn't going to talk about that. That wasn't his place to do so.

"Eames?" Bobby's voice caused them all to look in the direction he was looking in; towards Mike's bedroom. To see Alex stood there, wearing one of Mike's shirts and some slacks, looking pale and withdrawn.

Mike took two strides and was next to her, "You okay?" He asked, full of concern for the way she seemed so dazed and out of it.

She looked up at him, blinking a little more than usual, "When did you get back?" Her voice was quiet and reserved.

"Just now." Mike replied, his concern growing.

Alex nodded slowly, looking around the room at the other people who were there. Even though there was only three others there; her father, her sister and her partner, she felt it was crowded. "What are you talking about?"

Mike looked at her father and then back at Alex, "You, actually." He spoke quietly, his tone of voice showing how worried he really was, she looked ready to pass out. "It seems-" Mike looked at Jo and Bobby, "-It seems you've given everyone cause for conern, including me." She looked at him, sudddenly guilty that she'd done that.

"I'm sorry." As soon as she spoke the words, Mike knew she really wasn't herself. Alex would never have apologised for that before.

Mike took her hand gently but before he could say anything else, she fell into his arms heavily. Mike was thankful she'd fallen towards him and not backwards. He quickly looked at her face and noticed she was out cold. Concerned, he picked her up and put her down on the sofa. "Okay, what the hell was that?" The words were out of his mouth before Mike could think about it.

Bobby looked at her and then back at Mike, "What has she had?" Bobby asked, concerned as well. Johnny was already out of his seat and kneeling beside his daughter.

"What has she had?" Mike repeated to Johnny, knowing they'd been with her for most of the morning.

Jo replied for her father, "She had some cereal with us earlier, that's all we've seen her have."

"What about medication?" Bobby asked, wondering if it was the effects of drugs.

Jo shrugged, "I've not seen her take any."

"She had one this morning." Mike replied, "Which she'd had last night and she was fine." Mike looked down at her, and gently stroked her face hoping to wake her up, which wasn't exactly working.

"She's been in the bedroom for most of the time." Jo continued. Bobby looked at her and then quickly headed towards the bedroom to see what she might've eaten in there, Mike didn't even get chance to argue about that but it didn't register in him to argue with Bobby over it, he just looked at Alex, holding her.

Bobby came rushing back out within seconds, "Is this yours?" He asked, his voice showing panic.

Mike looked up and the panic rose in him as well. "Yeah, but it was full." The panic was evident in his eyes and voice as he looked at the empty bottle of whiskey in Bobby's hand and then down at the unconscious Alex before looking at her fathers worried face. It became very apparent what she had done, what no one really knew was why; although Mike had an idea, he didn't want to voice it.

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TBC

Okay, now I feel really evil. :(


	7. Chapter 7

**Penn O'Hara **- Thank you for reviewing. Not entirely sure it was meant to be seen as sinister but you are meant to see it as 'something', as a catalyst if you will. Basically, some of it is explained in this chapter.

A/N Unfortunately, I only know names of medication I've ever taken. So, I ommitted the details of them because I didn't want it to be inaccurate.

**Shadow**

"Alex?" Mike began shaking her face to get her to at least snap out of it. He could feel John's hand on his arm, looking to him, he was shaking his head.

"We need - t-to get her to a hospital." Bobby said, rushing towards the door and then back again when he realised no one was moving.

Mike looked down at Alex and noticed that her eyes were opening. "Hey." He said to her, loudly, to get her eyes to fully open. He lifted her into a sitting position, although he was taking most of her weight. Mike looked at the coffee table and grabbed the empty whiskey bottle from it and held it in front of her. "Did you have this?"

Alex shook her head slowly, whispering. "I - I was going to."

"What?" Jo asked, confused. This didn't make any sense to her whatsoever.

But Alex was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that there were quite a few people in the room, all watching her, all listening to see what she would say. "I was sick." Tears were welling up in her eyes but she trying so hard not to cry in front of these people, but that determination was making it worse.

Mike lifted her head and held her so she had no choice but to look at him. "If you didn't have this, where is it?" He asked, watching as she thought for a moment.

Whispering, she said, "Bathroom."

"Where's your bathroom?" Jo asked, standing up ready to go and check for him.

Mike never took his eyes off of Alex as he replied, "Past the bedroom, door on the right." Jo immediately took off to see what her sister did with the contents of the whiskey bottle. Mike looked at Alex and his face softened as he saw her struggling with tears, "Why did you do this?"

Alex closed her eyes and pushed her lips together as she trembled with tears, "I thought it would make her - make her stop screaming." Mike pulled her to him and she clutched his body like a lifeline. Mike looked at John and then up at the ceiling, trying to get a hold of himself.

Bobby was stood quietly, unsure what to do or what to say. Jo came rushing back into the room, causing everyone to look at her. "It's all over the floor." She sat down next to John, "I don't think she had alot of it." Bobby walked around the sofa and stood next to the coffee table.

"Eames?" He tried but she didn't reply, "Alex?" That made her move a little and he knew he had her attention. "You can hear her screaming? In your mind?" Alex nodded slowly and Bobby paused for a moment whilst he thought about that. Bobby looked at Mike, who just looked incredibly tense and wound up. "You need-" He paused again, "You need to see someone, talk to someone." Alex shook her head, still buried in Mike's chest, she didn't want to do that. "Talking to someone would help you whereas trying to drown yourself in liquor will just make it worse." Alex began shaking her head more vigorously.

"No." She said, forcefully, lifting her head up and giving her partner a sharp look. "No."

Bobby looked at Mike but he shrugged, sadly. He didn't know what to do about it, what was he supposed to do. He was starting to feel guilty that he'd done this to her in the first place, he didn't want to make it worse by forcing to speak to a physcologist. However, Jo stood up and moved Bobby out of the way so she could speak to Alex instead. "Hey, I know what you're doing. It's not gonna work." She took the whiskey bottle and tossed it onto the floor, as she sat down on the coffee table, sitting directly in front of her sister, who still sat on Mike, who was feeling incredibly helpless. "You remember when I found out that I couldn't have children?" Alex remained still whislt Jo spoke, "And I couldn't have a baby. I could hear them all crying in my head, I couldn't get it to stop either so I did the same you did, I turned to the bottle. But that doesn't work." Jo paused for a moment, turning to look at her father who just gave her an encouraging smile, "You and me? We know this better than anyone because of what happened to Aunt Joyce." Alex nodded slowly, remembering her drunken Aunt and the states she would get in. Jo looked at Bobby, "Okay, maybe you don't need to speak to the someone he's implying about." She looked back at Alex and Mike, "You should speak to Mike... or to Dad, or to Katie, cause she's better at this than me." Jo laughed a little, knowing full well that their older sister was much more of an understanding person than she was, much more patient to. John laughed a little as well, but truthfully, he thought Jo was doing well. "But what I do think you should do is see a doctor."

Alex frowned, "Why?" She asked, quietly.

"Because something is making you feel-" Jo paused whilst she searched for the correct word, "-depressed, upset, angry even." Not exactly finding a certain one, "He could give you something for that." Alex nodded, slowly. Jo looked at Mike, who nodded as well; he'd go with her. "Okay." Jo smiled, "I have to go and pick up that lovely little boy of ours from the nursery." Alex smiled as well, "But I'll be back soon." Jo kissed Alex's forehead and then stood up to leave. As she started to walk out she remembered something and then quickly turned back.

"I know, I know." John stood up, "You need me to drive."

Jo grinned, "Please." Her bubbly self coming back to the surface.

John looked at Alex, "You gonna be okay?" He asked her, she nodded and he kissed her cheek. John than placed a comforting hand on Mike's shoulder before he followed Jo out of the apartment, leaving the three remaining to sit quietly. Deep in their own thoughts and feelings.

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The gently tapping rhythm of the pencil against the wood of the chair was almost soothing, and it probably would be if it wasn't so annoying all at the same time. The young child making the tapping rhythm was getting incredibly enthusiastic with his new decision to be a drummer, picking up another pencil and tapping out a second, untimed, beat on another chair.

Mike rolled his eyes and silently wished Alex would be quicker with the doctor. He didn't mind waiting for her, that wasn't the problem. The problem was all of the worry he was feeling inside, he didn't like this at all.

He looked at the mother of the child, who slowly looked at her son and shook her head, "Sweetheart, why don't you play with the soft toys. There are other people in this room who don't quite appreciate your drumming as much as I do." Her voice was sugary sweet but it also had the air of an act, put on for her sons sake. Mike mouthed the word 'thanks' and the woman nodded. "You, uh, here to see the doctor?" She asked, trying to make conversation with the only thing it seemed they had in common.

"Uh, no." Mike replied, trying to find his voice after being quiet for so long. He saw the womans confused faced and explained, "My girlfriend is."

"Oh." She said, turning to look at her son, "My boy's gotta see him too. Got some kind of infection, they don't know what yet."

Mike looked at the kid, who was now playing with the toy car; not the soft toy he'd been instructed to play with. "Well, his arms work just fine so he'll probably be okay." The woman smiled when she realised that was meant to be comforting, but she wasn't exactly sure at first because of the low tone of voice he'd used and the choice of words.

"Thank you." She replied, looking at him as if he were strange for a moment. Mike leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. Wishing, praying, hoping for Alex to come back right now so they could go anywhere but here.

Prayers were obviously listened to and wishes were answered because at that moment Alex chose to walk through the waiting room door. Mike quickly stood up upon seeing her, taking note of how tired she looked and how sullen she seemed. "Are you alright?" He asked her, once they were stood together and heading for the exit. She nodded slowly, both unaware that the woman was watching them leave with curiosity.

Finally getting out of the door, Mike silently celebrated at his release from the waiting room prison, but it was in his head, he didn't show that to her. Not that she'd have seen it, she was too busy thinking to herself; pondering the words spoken by her doctor. Getting into the car, Alex still wasn't allowed to drive, she continued to be quiet but she looked at Mike when she realised he hadn't started the car or even attempted to leave their parking spot. "So, are you okay?" Mike asked, hoping she'd tell him something, anything.

Alex sighed, deeply, "Well I got a slapped wrist for having some whiskey and then he asked me alot of questions about how I was feeling and then he gave me a new prescription." She was starting to babble so she stopped, knowing that that wasn't being like herself as well. She passed him the piece of paper and he looked at it, not really understanding the medication name let alone what it was for. Alex sighed again, "Apparently the others I was having have got-" she paused to look at him as his eyes moved away from the paper to hers, "-depressive side effects so I'm not allowed those now."

Mike closed his eyes and pulled his head right back to land on the headrest for a heavy thump. "God." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

She frowned but he didn't see it, "Why?" Alex asked, confused.

"Nothing." Mike opened his eyes and lifted his head back up, putting his seatbelt on. "I'm just sorry." Still confused, Alex put her own seatbelt on and leaned back as the car moved into motion. She couldn't understand why he was sorry but he was and she couldn't understand why she was feeling so lousy but she was. She looked back at him and continued to wonder about it until she closed her own eyes and fell back to sleep, still feeling ill from the other medication she'd been on.

Mike's driving reflected how bad he truly felt. The guilt washing over him like a tidal wave. He knew he should've listened to her, she always knew better but he wanted her to get better and he trusted that that was what the tablets were for. He now knew he was wrong. He began to wonder if he really was the right person for the job, was he good enough for her? He wasn't so sure.

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He'd never seen her so withdrawn, so quiet. Alex was being so unlike herself that it seemed she wasn't really Alex anymore. Just the shell that was left behind from the experience of torture; mostly physcological but still torture. Mike knew that all too well and it pained him to see her in that same way that he'd been as a child. No one should ever experience that and he wouldn't wish it on anyone, certainly not her.

He knew it had embarrassed her to break that way in front of her father, her sister _and _her partner. Perhaps more embarrassing for her that Bobby was there when that happened. She'd always been the strong one out of the two and she hated to appear weak.

Alex was sitting on the sofa, watching the flickering of the TV as she waited for Mike to bring her something to eat to go with those new tablets that the doctor had prescribed for her. He walked out into the living area carrying some sandwiches on a plate for her; nothing amazing, just some food. She didn't look at him when he passed it to her, she just mumbled a 'thank you' and began pulling at the bread and taking miniscule bites. Mike opened his mouth to say she should eat properly but he closed it quickly. The last time he'd told her to have something, she'd ended up seeking comfort from a bottle of whiskey, landing her at the doctors and in the even more fragile state she was in now.

Sighing quietly he turned his attention to the TV with Alex still remaining in his peripheral vision. If she wanted to speak she certainly wasn't making a move for one, then again neither was he and he wanted to say a thousand words. Five hundred of them being different variations of the word 'sorry'. Known of them were exactly making a move to be spoken though, and he doubted they would but he needed to because the silence was killing him.

The bread tasted foreign in Alex's mouth, and she really didn't want to eat it, she wasn't hungry at all. But she wanted to feel better so she knew she had to have it. Thankful he didn't cook because she'd hate for him to waste his time on something she couldn't stomach. This entire day had gone horribly wrong from the moment she'd swallowed that medicine. She couldn't explain how she was feeling, she didn't know what words to use or how to express to someone that she was afraid. She'd never been afraid before, how was she to know what to do with it. Bobby would probably tell her that fear is healthy and that it helps people to know that boundaries, but she couldn't care less about that. She just wanted to be herself.

"I'm sorry."

Alex's head snapped up as she looked at Mike, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. All Alex could see was his back, she couldn't see his face so she spoke quietly to him, "What?"

He turned to her and she could see something in his eyes; anger, guilt, regret, "I'm sorry."

She looked at him, frowning, "Why?" Her voice was still withdrawn, still quiet and she hated the sound of it.

"Look at what I did to you." Mike said, standing up, his voice rising in level and tone.

The frown on Alex's face deepened as her confusion grew. "You didn't do anything to me. What are you talking about?" Her own voice at least rising to the point where it sounded like hers as opposed to a whisper.

Mike rubbed his head in frustration, "Yes, I did." He was angry with himself and his body language showed how tense he was over the subject. "You can't tell me that you don't know. I'm the one who told you to have that stuff." Mike seemed to be pointing towards his bedroom, which Alex couldn't exactly interpret right.

"What stuff? The whiskey?" Alex asked, confused, but not standing up to meet his stance, she didn't feel like she had the energy for it. "You weren't here then."

"I'm not talking about that." Mike pointed to the medication on the coffee table, her new supply. "I'm talking about the ones you had earlier."

It took her another few seconds to finally jump onto his train of thought before she starting shaking her head in disagreement, "That wasn't your fault." She wanted to stand up and slap him the face to shake him back into reality, "Nobody knew that they were doing that to me. How could you have known?"

Mike seemed to laugh sarcastically before he pointed to her, "You. You told me."

Alex was stunned by his obvious hatred for himself, she hadn't expected that. "Mike, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was." Mike rubbed his mouth, "And I'm sorry." He looked at the hurt in her eyes and he dropped his head in regret. "And I'm hurting you, which is another thing I'm sorry for."

Alex rubbed her own head, regretting doing so because of the way it made her feel ill again, "I don't know what to say." She looked at him sincerely, "I just - I don't."

"Neither do I." Mike's voice was still raised, "Let's go ask Goren, because I'll bet he's got a fancy word that explains this." Alex didn't like the sarcasm and she didn't appreciate it either.

"No, I don't want to talk to Bobby about it, I want to talk to you. Please sit down and ... and talk to me." Alex was fighting new tears, ones that weren't threatening to fall because of physcological trauma or recent events but because she felt Mike was pulling away from her and she didn't know how to handle that right now.

Mike shook his head, "I don't have the right words and I'm sorry about that too." Mike suddenly felt like he needed air and witnessing the hurt on her face was enough to shock him into realising that he shouldn't be throwing this onto her. With tears stinging his eyes, he quickly walked out of the room and headed straight for door; slamming it shut behind him.

"Mike?" Alex called out but it was futile, he was gone.

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TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Podie1 **Don't worry, here it is!!! LOL. I'm not always evil, I swear. I actually consider myself to be a good person... most of the time ;)

**Shadow**

The sound of the door slamming just shook her to the core. It seemed to jolt her into some kind of action. Calling out for Mike didn't actually work and she wasn't that far gone to not realise that if he didn't hear the first time he certainly wasn't going to hear her now. Standing up slowly, she walked over to her bag and rumaged around for her cellphone. Finding it quite quickly she flipped it open and dialed his number, placing the phone to her ear and expecting to hear a ringing sound but what she got was 'You have reached the voicemail service...' Alex snapped her cell shut and cursed, "Dammit." Giving a moment to wonder what the point of having one was if you were just going to switch it off.

She sighed and stood still for a moment, her eye catching sight of her medication packet on the coffee table forcing her to remember that she still needed to take them. She walked back over to it and picked them up, reading the label and searching for the word 'drowsy', the moment she found it she dropped it back on the table, she didn't want them if they were going to send her to sleep. She needed to find Mike, not sleep it off.

Looking around the room she knew what she had to do, she headed for the door but stopped short of actually opening it. She looked down at herself and noticed she was still wearing Mike's clothes, the button-up shirt and the slacks. Shaking her head she quickly turned and headed back towards the bag Mike had brought over for her and she looked in it to find some clothes.

Picking out alot of underwear before she actually got to what she was looking for. She had to at least smile when she thought about the fact there was more underwear in the bag than there were clothes she could be seen in. She knew where he'd spent alot of his time then. But her smile faded fast when she remembered the words he'd said.

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He had just settled into his seat, and made himself comfortable with a drink in one hand and a remote control in the other, the History Channel coming life before him as he prepared himself for an evening alone when there was knock at his door.

It was the knock of urgency and desperation so he quickly stood up and walked over to the door, opening it partially to see who it was without unhooking the chain, but when he saw who it was he closed the door again and quickly took the chain off before opening the door fully. "Eames?" Bobby asked, confused and concerned, quickly motioning for her to come in. She seemed anxious and worried as she walked in and looked at her partner. "What's going on? Aren't you meant to be in bed?" He asked, looking at her up and down, taking note of the fact she was wearing her own normal clothes. He would've believed this morning and her kidnapping hadn't have happened if it wasn't the pale complexion and the tear strains around her eyes.

"I can't find him!" She spoke quietly but breathlessly, like she'd been running all over the city to look for him.

"Find who?" Bobby asked, before quickly adding, "Logan?"

She nodded, sadly. "Yes, I can't find him." Bobby gently placed his hands on her arms and guided her to his sofa.

"He left you?" Bobby couldn't mask the anger in his voice.

Alex shook her head, "That, that doesn't matter! The point is he's upset and I can't seem to get hold of him." Bobby could see that her worry for Mike had taken over any kind of fear or residual concern she might've had for herself.

"What happened?" Bobby asked, hoping to calm her down.

Alex sighed, trying not to cry again and annoyed with herself for feeling like she would, "He said it was his fault and that he didn't know... I don't know what happened!" Alex covered her face with her hands and Bobby looked at her, feeling a little lost and unsure what she wanted him to do. Taking several steadying breaths she lifted her head back up and looked at him, "We have to find him."

Bobby shook his head, "No, not 'we'. You have to rest." She moved to stand up before he stopped her from doing so. "I'll look for him, if you promise you'll rest."

She looked at him for a moment, "That's blackmail."

He nodded, "Yes, yes it is."

Alex looked at him and thought about it before slowly saying, "Fine."

"Deal." Bobby agreed before standing up and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

She sighed, "I've already tried calling him."

Bobby shook his head, "I'm calling Carolyn." Alex frowned but she couldn't get the chance to speak because it seemed she'd answered her phone. She listened to the conversation one-sided but she basically got the gist of it. Bobby wanted Carolyn to go with him because as a former partner, she could be useful in knowing where he'd go for solitude. As Bobby knew from experience, a partner often knows something about the other that their girlfriend/boyfriend wouldn't generally know. Once the call ended, Bobby looked at Alex, "Please, stay here and rest. We'll find him."

Bobby hoped that for her sake they found him.

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Alex was left alone just a few moments later, Bobby had left to meet Carolyn so that they could start searching immediately. This left Alex to her own thoughts. She'd never felt so confused before, she didn't know whether she was sad or hurt, worried or depressed and she wasn't exactly sure if she was handling it the right way either. She knew it was dangerous to second guess yourself, but she wished she'd not asked Mike why he was sorry. If she hadn't have asked, he would never have felt the need to explain and therefore he wouldn't have left. She felt so alone, so empty. She hadn't realised how much she'd grown to depend on him until he'd slammed that door. Of course, she also knew that if she wasn't in the unusual fragile state she was in now, she wouldn't have exactly let him leave either. She would have dragged him back into the apartment and argued with him for all she was worth.

Her thoughts also rested on the day she'd come back from the hospital and she'd been gripped by the unfamiliar sense of fear as she'd tried to go home. Was that what started it? Maybe Mike couldn't handle someone who was depressed? She's supposed to be stronger than this and it's not fair for her to place the burden on him.

Looking around Bobby's apartment she felt her head swim and her mind overflow with thoughts and feelings that she didn't want. But when she caught sight of an envelope with her name on it in Bobby's handwriting, she stopped thinking and feeling. Curiosity sent her over towards the shelf where this small white envelope sat. Picking it up slowly she realised it wasn't holding anything but a key and a tiny piece of paper. Confused, she pulled both items out of it and once she'd read the note she knew what to do. Putting the key in her pocket, she now knew how to make this better, she had to go home.

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Each swing, each punch was delivered with every part of him. All his anger going into that one small little punching bag hanging from the ceiling by some rope. Of course, his anger was making his aim completely terrible and useless, and although it was meant to help, it wasn't. Grunting and panting at the late night exercise, Mike just kept pounding his fists into it. Ignoring the few people that were in the gym this late giving him strange looks for being so aggressive with the punching bag as they were exercising off the extra weight and basically improving their physical fitness.

He hadn't exactly headed here first, his first destination had been the local bar but it was too busy, too full, so he just came here instead; intent on causing serious damage to something. Feeling a presence stand near him, he didn't have to look to see who it was. "How'd you find me?" He asked, not stopping the pounding, not turning to look at them.

"We traced you from a bar, all the way to here." Carolyn told him, looking at Bobby and then back at her former partner. "That, and I remembered seeing a Gym Membership Card on your desk." Mike didn't respond to her, he just kept punching the bag, each strike getting more and more aggressive.

Bobby looked at them and then around the room before speaking to him, "Aren't you meant to be looking after someone?" He asked, not hiding the accusation from his voice.

Mike stopped punching for a moment to look at him, sarcastically saying, "Yeah, I'm doing such a grand job of it so far, aren't I?" As soon as he finished speaking, the bag was back to being pounded.

Bobby rubbed his the back of his neck, "So instead of being concerned for her welfare, you're just feeling sorry for yourself?" It wasn't really a question.

This caused Mike to shoot him a deadly look. "I don't want to hear this. You don't know what I'm thinking."

"I do." Carolyn said, quietly, causing Mike to point the deadly look at her.

Mike snorted, "So they're handing out telepathy at Special Victims Unit?" A fake, amused grin on his face and Carolyn rolled her eyes at the attitude but she'd expected as much.

"No." Carolyn replied. "I just know you."

"Oh yeah?" Mike asked, with slight tone of disbelief. "Go ahead then. Enlighten me."

Carolyn looked at Bobby and then back at Mike, "I know that you love her." Mike closed his eyes and walked over to the wooden bench by the grey wall, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his neck. Bobby and Carolyn followed, she sat down next to him whether he wanted her to or not and she continued talking, "I know that you're worried you're gonna make a mistake. That you're not capable of helping her though this." Mike refused to look at her as she spoke softly to him as if she really could read his mind, and that was actually quite annoying. "And I also know that you're wrong."

Mike looked at her, incredulously. "Yeah? How'd you know that?"

Carolyn smiled, "You don't need any kind of ability here, Mike. She just needs you there for support."

He spent a few moments thinking about that before turning to her and saying, "I'll bet you're good at Special Victims, how about you save it for them, huh?" He stood up and started to leave but Bobby grabbed his arm.

Mike looked down at his hand but Bobby didn't remove it, "She - she needs ya." Bobby removed his hand when he realised that Mike wasn't going to walk away, "Don't leave her now." Bobby paused for a beat, taking note of Mike's face and how this could go either way, although Bobby hoped it would go positively. "Look, she really needs you. She turned up at my apartment in tears because she was worried about you." another pause, "I've got no idea why but she loves you. Don't do this to her." Mike pursed his lips together as he looked at them both, standing in the middle of his gym, all of them unaware of the little audience that had developed.

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Every sound in the entire building was being intensified by her fear of it.

Every movement out of the corner of her eye was being created by her own anxiety.

The door even creaked as she opened it, making her take a step back but she continued to creep into her house. This was her home and she refused to be beaten by it or by some serial killer. The lights flicked on and she peered into the living area as she prepared herself for something to jump out at her.

It didn't.

Letting out that breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, Alex slowly switched on every light in the house until she was satisfied that she was the only one there. Now as she stood in the middle of her living area she finally took it all in.

Something looked different.

Alex's face screwed up into a frown as the confusion filled her. Since when had she had blinds up at the windows? She felt absolutely certain that they used to be curtains. Weren't they? Shaking her head, she put her bag down on the floor, the one she'd fetched from Mike's apartment so that she had her medication with her, although she hadn't taken it yet.

She walked through the other rooms in the house and stopped when she reached the bathroom to notice she now had sliding doors made from frosted glass around the shower instead of the cream curtain she'd had before. Alex's frown deepened. When had they done this?

This is when she remembered Polly, her mind suddenly remembering the little pet she'd owned for a couple of years now. She quickly rushed back out into the living room to see that it was true. Polly wasn't there. That hadn't been a figment of her imagination. She refused to cry over it but the sight of the empty cage was almost horrifying. So much so, she covered it with the blanket from the sofa. Closing her eyes as she tried to steady herself and not think about how much she was alone right now and how much she wanted to be with Mike.

Why hadn't Bobby called her yet? Where was Mike? She didn't want to be alone.

Sliding down onto the floor she pulled her knees up towards her chest and tried to ignore the sounds around her and steady her own breathing. Feeling that same fear she'd felt before start to pull at her again, start to make her want to quickly leave but she refused to let it do so. She was a fighter. She buried her head in her arms, forming a human shaped ball on the floor of her living area as she did so, chanting to herself.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

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Bobby scratched his head after taking a second search of his apartment. "Hey, guess what?" Mike asked, sarcastically. Bobby looked at him and Carolyn, matching their concerned faces. "She's not here."

Bobby sighed, "I can see that."

Mike held out his hands, "Well?"

"Would she have gone back to Mike's?" Carolyn asked them both but they both shook their head. That wouldn't have made any sense for her to do so.

Bobby suddenly pointed towards a shelf and took several big strides before he reached it, picking up a small white envelope that was empty. "What?" Mike asked, confused.

Bobby looked at them both before saying, "She's gone home."

Mike looked stunned for a moment before he completely charged out of the door. Bobby and Carolyn were stunned by his immediate reaction but they recovered quickly, taking after him and hoping to catch up with him before he left without them. Mike's only concern as he reached his car was that the last time Alex had been to that house she'd had a panic attack and he wasn't sure it was best for her to be there yet with everything that was still going through her head. Bobby and Carolyn just managed to get into the car before Mike pulled away.

They didn't say anything about it though, they were desperate to get to her as well, although they doubted they were as desperate as Mike.

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TBC


	9. Chapter 9

_**boohoo650 **- Because email alerts aren't working, I'll reply here: Thank you for reviewing this story. It's greatly appreciated, I love to hear what people think of my writing. I'm also delighted I'm getting the balance of the relationships right. I know this is the way I see it so it should be easy but because I know others see it different, I become aware of their opinions as well and how it will look to them. Thank you so much and happy new year to you too. _

_**Podie1 **- Two chants now? LOL. holds hands up in surrender I'm not evil! LOL. Thank you. :D Pleased to see you're still addicted... I know I am! I've even started making M/A wallpaper and graphics! _

_Happy New Year everyone!!!_

_On with the story..._

**Shadow **

The world could end but she'd never know it.

Out of contol; spinning around yet motionless.

Hot and cold; sprawled out on the hard floor. Hands flat against the surface, either side of her head. Her legs curled up, one on the other whilst she rested on her stomach. Twisted. The cold sweat she'd broken into was causing her hair to stick to her face... and the floor.

If the world did end she wouldn't care. Hell, at this moment in time she wanted it to end, or at least her part of it. Her place in it. She felt like a shadow of something she once was and she knew if this was how it was going to be there really was no point in being here.

Isolated and alone yet crowded and claustophobic.

The screams were starting to send her crazy to the point where she _wanted _to be alone, which frustrated her because she was alone and she didn't like it either. The confusion was tearing at her and the hurt was breaking her; again.

She had been wrong. She couldn't do it. She wanted to run but she didn't have the energy. She wanted to sleep but she was too wired. It was all becoming out of control, someone else was at the driving seat and for the first time in her life she wasn't the one pulling the strings. She could hear the jagged sound of her own breath, feel her chest trying to accommodate the air she was breathing in, but the way she was laying on the floor meant she was constricting herself. Making it worse.

How special she should feel? What had made her life worth more than the others? She felt sick to the core everytime she thought that she was the only one who survived, who managed to escape and she hated herself for thinking it. What was it about her that meant she deserved to live more than the others? Why wasn't she killed as quick?

Why hadn't she thought about this when she was there? The time when it mattered she hadn't even considered it. Too concerned with her own well-being, her own safety, instead of trying to escape earlier and try to save the woman who was now screaming in her ears.

She deserved every scream she heard for not helping her. She felt evil. She'd never felt evil before. She knew where she'd be going when she died and she welcomed it because in her mind she deserved to go to hell; where she already was. She was alone and it had been her fault.

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He hadn't intended to leave her.

So caught up all the thoughts of guilt tugging in his mind that he'd had not choice but to leave before he hurt her more. He'd seen the way her face showed how much he'd figuratively kicked her in the stomach.

He would've gone back though. Now, however, he was breaking speed limits and not caring either. Once again he'd been the idiot one in the relationship. All he'd had to do was hold her and comfort her, instead he'd made things worse and now he had no idea what state she was in but he was certain it was his fault.

He'd heard the accusations in her partners' voice. He didn't blame him one bit because he knew, he really knew, that he was being selfish and his typical usual self. Maybe it would be easier to shake himself of this burden and walk away but he couldn't do it and he refused to think it again. For the first time in his life he had to realise that this wasn't about how he felt, this was about her and he had to be the one to bring her back from whatever it was she was in right now.

Driving whilst thinking wasn't necessarily a good either but that didn't matter. He wasn't about to stop driving to think but he couldn't exactly switch his thoughts off so he just pushed harder on the excelerator.

He prayed that what he found at her house wasn't as negative as his mind had intitally thought. After having her almost drown herself in whiskey and then having to watch her collapse from it, he'd had nothing but bad thoughts about how this could all turn out. He felt helpless, he felt useless. It's different when you're not the one who is falling. He'd never seen someone fall and he didn't want this to happen to her. He'd never met anyone like her; someone so strong yet caring, intelligent but not overly so. And he'd never cared before.

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A crashing sound caused her to hold her breath and stay completely still. Her mind immediately racing and remembering what happened last time someone had been in her home. Why was this happening again? She suddenly wanted Mike, she wanted him back. Where was he? She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands harder to the floor, trying to glue herself to the very spot she was in.

When she felt someone grip her waist, she froze. She was pulled up into a sitting position before she really registered movement. The person who had grabbed her was now hovering above her and she could hear voices but she couldn't make any of them out. Her vision blurring and meshing everything see was seeing into one big watercolour picture.

She could make out legs; legs that were bending at the knees and lowering this person to her eye level. She choked and she closed her eyes again, tightly trying to wish this one away. She felt something brush her face, a masculine hand gently stroking her cheek.

Her senses suddenly were sent into overdrive, coming alive. She opened her eyes and tried to hold back the gasp of surprise. She knew she wasn't alone anymore. She moved before she'd even been consulted, instantly wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him to try to convince herself he was real. Begging for it to be real. She felt him wrap his own arms around her waist and she knew it was real. She couldn't make this up, could she?

If she did then she had to congratulate herself for having such a realistic imagination.

She began to shake with relief and she started shiver with the cold finally hitting her. This caused him to hold her tighter and she buried her face in his neck and shoulder. She never wanted him to leave her again.

"I won't." The sound of his voice was music. Music that was both soft and deep as well as loud and shocking. The first sound she'd not only made out as coherent but a sound she both loved and yearned for. Had she spoken out aloud? Has she been speaking? The fact that his mouth was near her ear when he spoke had contributed to the fact that his voice had broke through the cloud; through the shadow.

With a shaky, raspy voice that she managed to locate from within the part of her that still existed, "I love you." She felt Mike relax slightly and she felt him kiss her gently on the head. And she felt, rather than heard, his natural response in words.

Then she felt herself being lifted up. Him standing and her in his arms. She lifted her head a little and looked up, seeing her partners' face first before seeing Carolyn's. Then she saw the open door and she knew what was happening. In the same moment she felt relieved and panicked. She turned her head quickly, regretting the movement for it just bought her the feeling of nausea and a wooziness to match it.

Moving past that she placed a hand on Mike's face and it made him stop. "No." She managed to croak out and then she started to moving her legs in an effort to get him to put her feet to the floor. Of course, she didn't expect Mike to just give in so easily so it was a struggle. But because he didn't want to hurt her he gently let go of her legs when it seemed like she was going to kick for all she was worth.

"What?" He asked, his voice becoming loud and clear. Her vision still clouding but clearing and her mind slowly becoming coherent to herself.

Alex swallowed hard and looked around the room, "I-" she paused, taking a deep breath, her voice still sounded foreign, "-want to stay."

Mike had that incredulous look on his face, one that she could recognise even with a slight blur of her vision, "What? Why?"

"Eames, you need to rest before you put yourself in this position again." Bobby's voice was also foreign, so strange for it to be because he was her partner of more years than she could actually remember right now. "Nobody expects you to stay here."

She didn't look at him, she just kept her eyes on Mike, hoping if she kept her sight concentrated on a particular place she'd stop feeling dizzy. "I have to stay." Her voice was shaking and she sounded so breathless that it seemed she'd spent hours running. She could feel tears start to well in her eyes, causing her vision to blur further. "If I stay-" She tried to steady herself, she felt Mike's hands on her arms helping her. "-I'll get used to it if I stay. If I go-" she shook her head, "-I'll have to come back." She was desperate to prove that she was the same person she always was. Desperate to prove to him that the person he'd fallen in love with still existed somewhere and that the shadow hadn't taken over completely.

Mike shook his head too, "You don't have to stay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but don't push yourself."

The tears began to fall before she could stop them, "I want to stay." She felt herself start to sob and a thought flew through her mind how much she'd really lost control because she felt so unlike herself right now that this seemed the only way to communicate but it wasn't proving her point. "Please don't make me go."

Magic words had been spoken, although she didn't really know that those were the key words she'd needed to say. Mike felt any resolve that he could possibly have crumble. There was absolutely no way he was going to make her do anything she didn't want to. He nodded numbly and pulled her into his arms and she cried into his chest.

"Logan?" Bobby spoke but Alex didn't listen to him. "This isn't exactly a good idea... this could cause her to be stuck in this state she's in right now. She's not strong enough yet to handle all of this."

Mike shook his head, "I disagree." Alex heard that however and it gave her slight hope that he still thought of her as strong.

Carolyn finally spoke up, "You're the one who wanted her to do this, now she's here. At least she'll be dealing with it." She spoke to Bobby quietly but kept her eyes on Alex and Mike.

Bobby rubbed his head and looked at the way she gripped Mike's body and clothes, desperate to say something appropriate but he didn't have anything. He knew she needed to deal with this and it seemed she'd come up with her own way. Stay and deal with it by staring her fear in the face. He had to admire her approach but would it work? He didn't know but he'd just felt himself nod to agree as well so he figured they were about to find out.

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He hoped that sleeping was doing her some kind of good. As she lay in his arms on the sofa she seemed relatively peaceful. The only sign of everything that happened was the red lines down her face from where the tears had travelled. Mike didn't care that his legs were going numb from having her weight on them for a couple of hours now and he didn't care that they were still just sitting on the sofa and not making a move for bed.

He also didn't care that both Carolyn and Bobby were still there, both falling to sleep as well on the other sofa. No TV switched on to give them something to concentrate their minds on. No music being played to drown out the ticking of the clock. No words were being spoken to flow over the sound of heavy breathing. His own eyes feeling heavier and heavier but he didn't want to sleep, he had to stay awake because she might need him.

He'd already let her down today, he didn't want to do it again. Also if he was going to sleep he should really make sure they go to bed so that they could be more comfortable but he didn't feel like doing that because he would end up waking her as he tried to get his legs into motion.

But when he saw Bobby start to move on the opposite sofa he realised that if they all were going to sleep comfortably he had to seriously consider moving her. So he slowly hooked his arm around her legs and kept a tight hold on her torso and he started to slide forward, hoping and praying that this didn't all quickly go horribly wrong. Carefully, as he stood up he kept a tight hold of her and he silently congratulated himself for not falling over.

Thankful he'd spent a lot of time at her house because it meant that he knew exactly where to go in the dark but as he walked towards her bedroom he was surprised to see all the lights were already on. He didn't remember switching them on so he was confused about that but as he reached the bed and gently laid her on it, he realised she must have put the lights on although he couldn't even hazard guess as to why she would do that. He knew well enough to know that the thoughts going through her mind were no where near logical.

Unfortunately the move had woken her up. He felt her stir and winced at the thought. Upon hearing a mumbling sound he leaned into her so he could hear what she was saying. All he managed to get from her before she fell back to sleep was 'sofabed' and 'blankets'. Mike frowned for a moment and he was about to ask for an explanation when he realised that she was sleeping again and he thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't woken her completely. That was unusual for her though and it was another reminder that things weren't right.

Realising she may have meant blankets for the other two sleeping in her living room, he grabbed some out of the cupboard and headed back to where he'd left them. Spotting them both sleeping in twisted and uncomfortable positions. Bobby with his head forward, his chin reaching his chest as his tall body slid down into the seat; his legs reaching beyond the centre of the room. Carolyn was in a ball, her feet tucked under her legs and her face buried into the back of the sofa.

Mike looked at the sofa for a moment and felt the lightbulb flicker on in his head. Taking the blankets in his hand and launching them at Bobby, causing him to wake immediately. Bobby looked stunned and confused for a moment, looking around the room and pushing the blankets away from him. Once he spotted Mike he stopped feeling confused and quickly realised what had happened. "Why - why did you do that?" Bobby asked, finding his own voice that was launching a protest against being used so soon after being asleep.

Mike grinned, despite everything that happened he was grinning, at the disheleved look on Bobby and the disbelieving expression on his face. "That couch is one of those collapsable beds. Why don't you use it?" It wasn't really a question, it was more a suggestion and it was one Mike wasn't intending on staying behind to find out whether Bobby or Carolyn would take it. Mike just nodded and left them alone to do that themselves.

He just wanted to stay with Alex.

---------------------------------------------

The next morning came but at least this time it didn't sneak up on them before they'd had the chance to sleep properly. This time when Mike opened his eyes he didn't feel that drowsy, heavy feeling of just feeling to sleep and being rudely awoken, he felt like he was fully rested and prepared to take on every challenge heading his way.

Looking at Alex he saw that she was still fast asleep. Mike thought that perhaps she was sleeping too much but he let it slide. She was, afterall, meant to be on bed rest and sleep was probably doing her a world of good in terms of physical and medical progress. He sighed a looked up at the ceiling before getting out of bed and heading for the door. Only to stop when he remembered the other two that had stayed, so he had to walk back and grab his pants.

Rolling his eyes at himself he headed out of the room and straight for the coffee. No doubt in his mind that that's what he needed. What he found in the kitchen was Bobby and Carolyn already sitting drinking some coffee. "Uh, morning." Was his chosen greeting. Bobby nodded and pointed towards the coffee pot. "Ah, excellent!" Mike quickly reached for it and a mug, pouring himself some and finishing the pot.

"I have to get going." Carolyn said, standing up after downing the rest of her mug. "Will you tell her that I'll call her later?" She asked Mike, who nodded.

"How are you getting there?" Mike asked, after he'd nodded.

Carolyn smiled, "Train."

Bobby shook his head to disagree, downing his own cup, "I'll drive you."

But he was met with a smirk from Carolyn, who indicated for him to sit back down in his seat, "You know that Mike drove us here yesterday, so your car isn't here. I have to get going." She told him and then looked at Mike, looking apologetic for leaving. "I'm sorry. I have a caseload as long as my arm."

"Already?" Mike asked, without waiting for a response he added, "Well, I see they're tossing you in at the deep end. Best way to get started." Bobby smiled at that, it was true. It's how he liked to get started, by getting into his work headfirst and burying himself in it.

Carolyn was about to turn to leave but she stopped and instead she softly said, "Alex, how are you?" Mike and Bobby turned to see Alex standing in the doorframe, looking very sleepy but at least she didn't look frightened or fragile; the two things she'd seemed to be last night.

Alex nodded, walking into the room, giving them a small smile. "I'm fine." Her voice was still sounding weak and tired but she seemed to be more like herself in her body language but she felt that the shadow was still there. She saw the way Carolyn looked ready for work, putting her coat on and that she was wearing her shoes. "You going?" She asked, looking at her.

She nodded in reply, "Yeah, I'll be back later." Carolyn smiled at her before waving at them and heading for the door only to be stopped again by Bobby.

"Wait." He told her, "I'll go with you." Carolyn looked confused, she hadn't expected that he'd willing leave. "There's something I've got to pick up." He explained.

"You're going too?" Mike asked, he hadn't expected that either. First day Alex had been released from hospital Mike had had to practically push him out.

Bobby nodded, giving Mike a look that told him something else that neither women could read, "Yeah, I got to pick that thing up."

"What thing?" Alex asked, frowning, as she also started looking for some more coffee. Mike wordlessly offered her his but she refused it. Bobby didn't reply though he walked out the house saying 'bye' before she could get the information out of him. Alex stopped looking around the worktop for the coffee and frowned, "Huh?" Mike was confused at her confusion, so he looked at her and waited for her to explain, "What thing does he have to get?"

Mike shrugged, "No idea." He then looked at her, "Maybe he knows we want to be alone?" He suggested, hoping to offer her a light mood and pick hers up. It didn't work because she didn't pick up on it, so he asked, "You want coffee?"

Alex sighed, changing her mind about the coffee, "No, I should have tea." As soon as she spoke she remembered where it was. She walked towards the high cupboard and reached for up for the handle...

Only to freeze as she became overwhelmed with flashes of sounds and screams, and flashbacks to how she felt being hung up and gagged.

The gasp escaped her before she'd even registered anything. "You alright?" Mike asked, concerned by the way her arms were still reaching towards the cupboard and she seemed frozen to the spot. He crossed the room towards her the moment she didn't answer and she began to hyperventilate. "Hey, hey, hey." He pulled at her arms and they slowly moved downwards so that they were no longer in the air. Mike didn't know what was happening but her intense reaction to it told him that it wasn't anything pleasant.

-------------------------------------

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Shadow**

She was still shaking when Mike came into the living room with a mug of hot herbal tea, the one she'd been reaching for. After he'd managed to get her out of the room she'd collapsed into his arms in a fit of fear and anger but now she was sat on the sofa, holding her arms close to her body as if she was trying to protect herself from anything that could harm her. She didn't understand what had happened and it was just as she was starting to get a handle on things, just when she was starting to feel as if she could get back to normal.

She'd known it would be difficult but did it really have to be as hard as this?

Mike put the mug down on the table and sat next to her, worried and concerned but not having the right words to say to make her feel better. "Here." He held out his arms wide and wrapped them around her. She didn't hesitate to accept his offer of comfort and as she shakily sighed into his chest he held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. She breathed him in and gradually began to feel like she could control this, control herself enough to speak. She wanted to speak about it because she was starting to worry about bottling it up. She could remember the words her father had once said to her about how sharing it with someone would make it much easier to bare, of course, he'd been referring to teenage problems that always seemed larger than life but it still mattered, right?

Feeling him gently stroking her back, she followed the rhythm with her mind, "It felt like I was back _there_." She almost spat out the word with hatred for what had happened to her. He didn't stop moving his hand along her spine as she spoke about it. "It was so dark." Her voice was back to that whispering she'd been doing before. He heard her take several deep breaths before she began to speak again, "I couldn't feel my hands anymore, they were-" she paused, "-numb." Closing her eyes as the tears began to build up again, she sniffled as she tried to control them. She could've sworn she'd never cried so much in her life, "It felt like-" she took a deep, shaky breath as the tears fell, "-like I was there forever. I just wanted it to end." Her grip around Mike's body tightened and he just continued to gently hold her, not wanting to squeeze her as much as she was squeezing him.

Mike kissed her head again, "It's gonna be okay." Those words sounded so pathetic that Mike felt that sense of stupidity hit him. How could he possibly know that?

Alex shook her head slightly, wiping her tears on his shirt at the same time, "What's happening to me?" She asked, sounding like she was afraid and not just because she didn't know the answer but because she was afraid of knowing the answer.

"I- I can't answer that." Mike tried, desperately wishing for the right words to pop into his head, "You're just dealing with everything that's happened. It's normal."

"I don't feel normal." Alex told him, honestly, still talking into his chest. "What if I always stay this way?"

Mike wasn't sure what way she was referring to but he had a small idea, "No, you're gonna get better, okay? I don't want to hear this from you." His voice showed his determination and his belief in her. It was enough to cause her to move and pull away from him so that she could see his face and look into his eyes. "Look, I'm not the best person for this. I don't know anything about this kind of stuff. But I do know you." He looked at her, giving her a sincere look, "If anyone can get through this, it's you!" He pointed at her with his index finger to emphasise his words. She didn't react, she just looked at him as if she was looking for a sign of his words being untrue, but she didn't find any, "That's what I know." He cupped her face with his hands and looked directly at her, hoping she'd say something but it didn't look like any words were going to be spoken soon so he had no choice but carry on, "I, uh, I know someone who you could talk to. I promise you she's good."

That, at least, brought a response, "You... who?"

"Her name is Olivet." He told her, not taking his eyes off her, "I've known her for a long time. She's good at what she does. If you see anyone, let it be her."

Alex regarded him carefully, his thumbs stroking her cheek as she did so. She wasn't sure if she was ready to spill out all her emotions in front of a stranger but she knew Mike well enough to know he wouldn't suggest it unless he really thought it was actually a good idea. She wanted all of this to end, she wanted it all to go away and she also knew that if she had any hope of going back to work, back to her life, then she needed to make a step forward. Slowly, as she still considered it, she nodded to say she would go to Olivet and speak to her but in her mind she was already telling herself that she'd go once and see what it was like and if she didn't like it she'd go straight back home and never go again.

Mike smiled at her and pulled her close again, hoping this was the best way to deal with this. He had always hated seeing physcologists but maybe this was what she needed, maybe Bobby was right and talking would help her.

------------------------------------------

Two days since she'd gone back home, since she'd forced herself to deal with it and she had to admit she was starting to feel more human. She hadn't seen Olivet yet although they had spoken on the phone to agree to a date and time.

Alex always hated the way they used soft voices and carefully planned phrases when speaking to people, as if people were weapons that required careful handling in case you accidentally pushed the wrong button and caused a mushroom cloud. Although, Alex was definitely feeling like she had a short fuse lately. She felt wound up, tight, and she knew it wouldn't take long before she did explode.

Now she was sat in her living room looking at Polly's cage, which now was inhabitated by a new bird. A lovebird, a red and green small creature that fluttered it's wings and sang really loudly. Bobby had picked up the bird from the pet shop, it was something that both he and Mike had done together, along with the new blinds, shower doors and other small things that seemed to be appearing in her home. She had to smile when she thought about it because she'd seen the way they'd argued with each other and now it looked like they were best buddies.

But she wasn't sure if she liked this new one.

He wasn't like Polly. Polly had always started chirping the moment Alex had walked into the room, like he'd recognised her, like he loved her but this new bird seemed more content to look around the room and chirp at anything that came near him as if he was afraid. True, Polly had done the same thing at first but Alex didn't feel like training a new one.

The phone ringing caused her to stop looking at the lovebird and turn her attention to the phone. Standing up she walked over to it, hesitating before answering, "Eames." She closed her eyes at the sound of the voice on the other end, she hadn't expected this call.

_"Eames?" _Ross spoke softly, as if he was also afraid she'd snap, _"How are you feeling?"_

"I'm fine." She replied, suspiscious because he hadn't seemed like the kind of Captain who would make a 'house' call.

_"I've been looking for Logan. Is he with you?" _Now Alex knew why he was phoning her. She looked towards her bathroom and shook her head, quickly remembering he couldn't see he.

"No."

_"Do you know where he is because he's meant to be here?" _Ross sounded very piqued and irritated, as if he'd been looking for Mike for hours.

Alex glanced at the clock next to the TV and carefully thought about her answer, not spotting Mike walking into the rom with a towel around his bare shoulders. "He left about half an hour ago. He said he was coming in."

_"He's not here." _Alex rolled her eyes at Ross, thankful he couldn't see. She turned to see Mike standing near her with a frown on his face.

She noticed that the only sign of him leaving the house anytime soon were the smart pants he was wearing, but he didn't seem liked he planned to go anywhere. "He's ... probably stuck in traffic." Whilst she spoke she gave Mike a purposeful look that told him that he needed to get moving. Mike got the message and quickly rushed off to get the rest of his clothes.

_"Right." _Ross sounded like he didn't believe her, _"I'll try his cell again." _With that Ross put the phone down. Alex looked at the receiver and shrugged, placing it back in it's cradle.

"Alex?" Mike called out, rushing back into the room as he buttoned his shirt up, "What did he say?" He knew who it was, he'd completely forgotten that he was meant to go back to work.

She looked at him and replied with another shrug, "Just wanted to know where you were."

"He didn't say anything else?" Mike asked, as he pulled his shoes on.

Alex shook her head, "I didn't know you had to go back."

"Neither did I, till yesterday." Mike replied, sounding irritated and annoyed at the prospect of having to go back, "Goren gave me the message from him. I guess I forgot." He grabbed his tie and jacket, heading for the door, stopping to get his car keys from the sideboard and then as he reached the door, his arm out in front of him to pull at the door handle, he stopped and slowly turned back to her. Alex was stood by the phone, still. She looked at him curiously. Mike stepped away from the door and walked over to her. "Are you gonna be alright?"

She nodded, "I'll be fine." Mike looked at her, unsure. "No, really, go!"

But Mike looked around the empty house and shook his head, "C'mon, I'll drive you to your parents house."

Alex shook her head, "Ross is waiting for you."

"Ah, who cares?" Mike replied, holding out his arm to say she should come with him, "I'm stuck in traffic. Let's go." She took his hand and followed him out the door; the first time she'd left since she'd insisted she stay.

-----------------------------------

"You know, detective, if you're going to be late you should let your partner know."

Ross had that perturbed look on his face that told Mike he was being serious. Standing in the Captain's office, that was starting to look like he owned it now, his new squad system up on the wall, Mike was watching Ross, who was standing next to his desk. "In all fairness, I've not met my new partner yet." Mike had to say something, he couldn't just let this new captain walk all over him.

"That was for future reference. In terms of today, you should've told me."

Mike nodded, refusing to look or feel guilty, "Sorry." Ross shot him a look, "I'll remember... for future reference."

Ross sighed, "You were stuck in traffic for a long time."

"Yeah, it was hectic." Mike agreed, nodding. Mike got the feeling that Ross could see right through him but after a moment of staring at each other, Ross finally conceded defeat and walked towards the door.

Opening it, he shouted out into the squadroom, "Wheeler." Mike watched as a very young looking woman walked over towards the office, looked at Ross before entering the room and then gave Mike a once over as if sizing him up, although Mike doubted that's what she was doing.

After a small moment she held out her hand to greet him, "I'm Detective Megan Wheeler."

All Mike could do was shake her hand and reply, "Logan, Mike Logan." Momentarily wondering which James Bond she'd actually remember the most, Pierce Brosnan? Wheeler raised an eyebrow but she didn't comment on the way Mike had phrased his greeting.

"Right." Ross spoke up, "I'm glad the two of you have met because you've got a crime scene to go to."

Mike looked at him, "Now?" He asked, incredulously.

Ross nodded, "Yes, now." They nodded and headed towards the door. "And Logan?" Mike turned back around as Wheeler carried on walking, "I know that, just like Goren, you're going to want time but the only person getting it is Detective Eames. Understood?" Mike nodded, knowing that arguing wasn't going to help him with this at all. Walking out of the office and closing the door behind him, he saw that Wheeler was waiting for him, close to Bobby's desk and next to the exit. Mike sighed and decided to get on with it. He had a job to do and he had no choice but do it.

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Life goes on.

At least it's meant to.

Alex was sat in her old bedroom at her parents house wondering just how moved life had really moved on. Not much, since she was listening to same old radio she'd had as a child, although it had been repaired a billion times since she'd bought it, and she was laying on the same bed she'd slept in as a child so did life really go on?

If it didn't then she was screwed because if she couldn't past this moment in her life she'd never be able to live again.

Looking at the clock she saw that it was only 3 hours to go until her first counselling session with Elizabeth Olivet. Sighing, she wished time would speed up so that the three hours would pass quicker; she felt like time was dragging itself out just to punish her.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" The sound of her fathers concerned voice pulled Alex back to reality and made her sit up to see him at the doorway. John Eames was stood there, leaning against the doorframe, looking at his youngest daughter with concern. Alex offered him a small smile and nodded. John walked further into the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm only asking because your mother was nagging at me to come and see you."

Alex snorted a small laugh and looked at her father; knowing that that just wasn't true. "Tell Mom that I'm fine."

John nodded, sitting on the foot of the bed. "I will do."

"Good." Alex nodded too, both of them suddenly feeling a sense of deja vu. Had they done this before? Well, actually, countless times if Alex thought about it properly. She'd always been the rebellious one, the young woman who found herself struggling with issues that required her father to come and sit on her bed and talk to her about it. She always found that he helped her, even when she didn't want it. Alex looked at him and sighed, "Dad?" He looked at her, expectantly, "Do I...? Am I...?" Alex stopped trying and lowered her head, the words weren't coming. The thoughts were there but she didn't know how to ask what she wanted to and if she was honest with herself she didn't really have the courage to either.

"Are you different?" John asked, causing Alex to look up at him, stunned that he'd read her mind again. "Of course you are." That was the answer Alex really didn't want to hear, she looked back down at her hands. "But then anyone would be after going through that. If you weren't I'd be worried." Alex looked back up and saw that he was being sincere, like always. "But you'll learn to live with it." He sounded hopefully and it was almost contagious; almost. He could see that but he didn't have the right words either.

She looked back at the clock and noticed that only 5 minutes had passed. She sighed and turned back to her father. "Will you come with me?" She asked, "Mike and Bobby both had to go back to work so..."

John nodded with a smile, "Yeah, I'll go." He held out his arms, "How about giving your old man a hug, huh?" He asked with a grin. A smile crept up onto Alex's face as she leaned into her father's arms and allowed him to hold her.

How she hoped life really did go on. Her father always seemed to look like it did. After everything he'd been through in his life, he still smiled and he was still happy with it.

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TBC

I hope that's not too cheesy. I tried to change it but it just wouldn't come out any differently, oh well.


	11. Chapter 11

**Penn O'Hara **- Thank you. There is joy in their relationsip, it's in the other stories ;) But I promise I know where I'm going with it. I think the irony is, you posted your review and I'd already written most of this. Whether it's what you were referring to or not, I'm not sure. But let me know what you think.

**blucougar57 **- YAY, no cheese! Strange how I worried over something you didn't even detect. Thank you.

**Shadow **

That was one long day. Days always dragged when you wanted them to go by fast. Spending the day mostly with his new partner, chasing leads and losing some as well had been really hard for him because all he wanted to do was find out how Alex was doing, although he'd heard from Bobby that she'd gone to her scheduled appointment with Olivet.

Now he was standing on the doorstep to her parents house, anxiously ringing the bell and all too aware of the fact that this could be considered a cliche if they were teenagers; thankfully, they're not. The door opened to reveal her father, who smiled instantly when he recognised who was at the door. "You don't have to ring, son, it's open."

Mike didn't really know what to say to that, "Oh."

John smiled again, "Come in." He moved to the side and Mike walked into the house, immediately spotting several people he recognised in the living room, her mother was sitting at the far end of the room. Her sister, Katie, was sitting next to her two children David and Janey. Mike nodded at them all in greeting and they smiled back.

"Hi, Mike." Katie said, "How are you?"

Mike nodded, "I'm good." But Katie could see that that wasn't quite the truth. Mike sat down on a chair when he was ushered to by her father. "How did it go?" Mike just wanted to know about Alex, he couldn't see her in the room. Where was she?

Katie smiled weakly, "It went okay. It drained her so she's sleeping."

"Again?" Mike asked, concerned. He didn't like the fact she was sleeping so much.

Instead of replying Katie turned to the two chidlren clutched to her, "Why don't you two go and play so that we adults can have a conversation?" It wasn't really a question, she gave them a pointed look to tell them their mother had spoken.

"Okay, mamma." They both walked off and Katie had to pull the girl back because she'd clutched onto her long blonde hair. "Sorry." The girl appologised, releasing her grip and then rushed off.

"We asked Olivet about that." Katie told him once the children were out of earshot.

"And?" Mike asked, needing to know what was said.

Katie smiled, "She thinks it's doing her some good." Mike looked at John who nodded, he'd been there when Olivet had spoken to them. Both Katie and John had gone with Alex to her appointment and they'd managed to get hold of the woman before she'd disappeared completely. Both concerned about the amount of sleep Alex seemed to be taking. "It seems it's helping her to deal with it in her dreams instead."

"Dreams? Aren't those called nightmares?" Mike looked at John,

But John shrugged, "Ask her, I don't understand those kind of things."

Mike looked back at Katie, who replied, "She told me that when you sleep, you dream about those things that you couldn't deal with during the day." Katie pointed towards the stairs, "Alex has alot to deal with. That and her physical injuries make her incredibly tired." Mike nodded, he could understand that, for the most part. He wasn't entirely sure about allowing yourself to dream of it to deal with it but if it was working for her then what could he say? "I think it did her some good."

"What did?" Mike asked, curious because he was unsure if Katie had continued speaking whilst he'd been thinking.

"Seeing Olivet." Katie replied, "She may be drained and tired but she seemed okay. She ate some food and she seemed a little more like herself."

"Really?" Mike asked, interested in this. Was there light at the end of the tunnel afterall?

John smiled at him, "Yes." Mike looked towards the stairs, wondering if he should see her. "Go on." John spoke quietly as if he read Mike's mind. Mike looked at him, confused. "Second room on the right." Mike stood up and nodded, heading towards the stairs. "Although I offer a slight warning."

Mike glanced at him worried, "What?"

"The room is pink." Katie replied for her father. "Very pink."

Mike laughed a little. "Thanks for the heads up." He then walked out of the room and straight up the stairs.

"No." Katie called out as David and Janey tried to follow him. "You're not going up there."

"But we wanna see Auntie Alex too!" Janey cried out, winging and pouting at her mother.

Katie shook her head, "No, you do as you're told or we're going home right now."

--------------------------------

Mike slowly walked into the room and was blinded. Yes, by the pink room. He knew Alex well enough to know that she could never picked the colour. She hated pink. The room was full of toys and Mike figured it was for all those grandkids her parents seemed to have acquired over the years. Mike snorted to himself, that's what they get for having six children of their own. He spotted Alex on the bed closest to the window and furthest away from the toys. She was curled up on her side, facing away from him.

He could tell she was sleeping from the slow, steady rhythm of her breathing and the fact that she hadn't moved yet, she always did when she knew someone was in the room when she was awake. Mike walked over to the bed and laid down beside her, gently pulling her into his arms as he spooned behind her. Just feeling the need to hold her close to him. Alex seemed to react to the movement by leaning into him and pulling his arms tighter around her as if she recognised who he was and that she was comforted by him. Mike was surprised by that although he shouldn't have been.

They stayed that way for almost twenty minutes before she woke from her sleep. As a matter of fact, Mike had practically fallen to sleep himself, the days work catching up with him and trying to drag him into slumber but Alex seemed to jolt out of her sleep so he quickly woke back up. "Hey." He spoke, clearing his throat. She loosened her grip on his arms and wriggled so that she was laying on her back, twisting her neck to look at him.

"When did you get here?"

Mike shrugged, not really sure of the time, "About half an hour ago."

She seemed to think about it but she nodded, "How was your day?" She asked, Mike could see she just wanted small talk.

Small talk he could do if she really wanted it, "Met my new partner, had a crime scene, the usual." Mike acted like what had happened in his day was nothing.

But Alex felt that meeting his partner should be a big thing and she wanted to get her mind off herself, "What's your new partner like?"

Mike looked at her, wondering if she really wanted to know, Mike shrugged, "Young." He couldn't help but grin a little at that. Alex raised an eyebrow at him. "We'll see." He looked at her for a moment, watching her face as she thought about something; his guess was that it wasn't his new partner. Mike then decided to ask the question, whether she wanted it or not, "How did your appointment go?"

Alex looked at him, thinking about it carefully before answering, "It was long." She grinned, "She asked about my childhood."

He shot her a look, "I'm being serious, Alex, for once."

"I know, but I don't know what to say." She lowered her eyes so that she was no longer looking at his face, instead she looked at his shirt, it's creases. "We talked about a lot of stuff." Mike got the feeling she really didn't want to talk about it so he just nodded and kissed her forehead, although he would've preferred to have kissed her lips but he just couldn't reach them. "We talked about you."

"Me?" Mike asked, looking at her, having to twist his neck to see her face.

She nodded, "Yeah."

"You're not gonna tell me what she said about me?" He asked, already know the answer.

Alex smiled, "No." From what Mike could tell her father and her sister had been right, she was behaving a little bit more like herself. That, or she was just covering it up better.

Mike snorted, "Beautiful."

"It was nothing but good things."

He raised his eyebrow and looked down at her again, "Me and good things? They don't usually go in the same sentence." She laughed, she actually laughed. Mike nearly choked from the shock. The sound of laughter escaped her mouth. It was small, it was short but it was there.

Alex changed the subject though, "I'm going back next week." She paused for a moment, "She doesn't know how long I'll be going though." She uncoiled herself from his body and sat up. "Let's go home." Mike sat up and looked at her.

"Home?" He asked, he had completely forgotten where they were.

She nodded, "Yeah, home. I don't know about you but I don't really want to spend another minute in the pink room."

Mike smiled, "Good point." He stood up and held her hand, walking out of the room. Glad to see the back of the pink. Looking at Alex he could see she was tired still from the weary look on her face and the way she seemed to be dragging herself down the stairs. Whether she was physically tired or mentally tired he didn't know, and it didn't matter.

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"What are you going to name him?"

Bobby spoke to Alex as she sat crossed legged on her living room floor, right next to the bird cage, speaking to the bird or rather whistling at it. Bobby had come to see how she was doing, and he'd come to keep her company because Mike still had a case on his hands. Technically, so did Bobby, but he didn't want to do any work without his partner. Bobby hadn't asked about her counselling session from yesterday but he wanted to know how it went. All Mike had told him was that it went okay and that if he wanted more he'd have to ask her.

Alex looked at Bobby for a second before turning back to the lovebird, "PJ."

"PJ?" Bobby asked, confused, "As in Pyjamas?"

Alex shook her head, "No, as in Polly Junior."

"Oh." Bobby hadn't thought about that but he guessed it made sense. "Even though they're not the same kind of bird." Polly had been a Parakeet whereas PJ was a Lovebird.

She turned to look at him and smiled, "They're both members of the Parrot family, actually."

"Sorry." Bobby held his hands up to show surrender.

Alex looked at him and gave him a small smile to say she wasn't really going to lecture him on Parrots, although she knew she could, it was the one subject she seemed to have him beat on. "Bobby, why are you here?" she asked, curiously. "Aren't you meant to be catching up with our cases?"

Bobby nodded, "I know but I thought I'd come to see you first."

She frowned, "Worried that I'd go all crazy by myself?" She seemed to be irritated by that, and it wasn't really a question. "Yeah, see, that's what Mike said too, but I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself."

"I know." Bobby quickly told her, not wanting her to think that he doubted her abilities or her independence.

"So...?"

He sighed, "I just wanted to see how you were ... after yesterday."

She shot him a look, "I thought so." She pulled an annoyed face and looked at him for a few beats before replying, "It went okay, she just asked alot of questions and kept making me talk."

Bobby nodded, well aware of the thin ice he was starting to put his feet onto, "What did she ask you?"

Alex sighed and looked up at the ceiling before replying, "She just asked me about-" she paused, "-how I felt about Jo Gage and what I would do if I ever met her." Bobby didn't reply, he didn't know what to say to that. He'd been the one to get the confession out of her and he still had his own nightmares about the coldness of Jo's words and the selfish reasons she'd chosen to do those killings. Even though she didn't kill Alex, it had clearly been her intention to. "If you're wondering, I'd kill her."

"That's a - a normal reaction."

Alex faked surprise, "Yeah? That's what she said." She sighed and shook her head, "To be honest, Bobby, I don't really wanna talk about anything else that was said."

Bobby nodded, he could understand that, but he felt some reassurance that she'd shared something with him. "I-I should get back before Ross..." Bobby let the sentence drop when he saw that Alex understood what he was saying. He walked towards the door and stopped to look back at her, "Are we okay?" He pointed his finger at himself and then at Alex.

She nodded, "Yeah, we're fine." She sounded convincing but there was something there, something small. But Bobby knew that that there was more to do with her not feeling fine as opposed to them both. He nodded and walked out of the room.

The moment her front clicked shut, Alex sighed and closed her eyes. Allowing the silence to crowd her and breath in the empty room. It was silent until she heard PJ chirp at her. She turned her head and looked at him, he had his claws around the bars of the cage, nearest to her and was looking directly at her. Alex smiled at him and he chirped again.

---------------------------------------------

The sound hit him like he'd walked into a brick wall. Opening the door and walking into the room was just too overwhelming that Mike had to take a step back and wait for a moment before he at least got used to the loud sound of booming music. "It's a bit loud don't you think?" He shouted over the beat the moment he saw Alex turn to him, hoping she could lip read.

Usually she could, but right now, not so much, "What?" She didn't shout though so Mike couldn't really hear her at all but could read lips so he reached the hi-fi system and switched it off.

He looked back at her as she seemed startled by the sudden drop in volume, "Trying make yourself deaf?" Mike asked, sarcastically, looking directly at her.

"Oh, that. No." She replied, looking at him with hopeful eyes that he'd leave it alone. No such luck.

"What are you doing?" He asked, confused for a moment but it quickly dawned on him what she was doing, "You can still hear her screaming, can't you?" Alex sighed and stood up to walk away but Mike quickly rushed after her. "Hey, hey." He gently held her arm and forced her to look at him. "You told me you'd be okay."

"And I am."

Mike looked at her, shaking his head, "I know I'm not expert on this stuff, but I know you and this isn't you."

Alex's face started to screw up but she quickly covered it up, "I just - I'm fine." He gave her an incredulous look. "I am."

"Who you trying convince?" Mike asked her, "Because if it's me, it's not working." Alex sighed and Mike looked at her, softly, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I just want to be me. Because I want you to be happy. This can't be good for you." Her replies came off like she was reading a list, a list that she'd either rehearsed or she knew off by heart. "I don't like the way I'm feeling right now." She looked at him, hesitant, "How did you do it?"

Mike frowned, "Do what?" She shook her head, changing her mind. "No, no, tell me."

She looked at him for a moment, still hesitating, "When you were a kid - and those bad things happened to you." She spoke slowly, watching his face for a sign that she should stop speaking and completely cut the whole thing off completely. "How did you get to be like you are now?"

He sighed, looking at her, "Get to be like what?"

"Like that. Happy, nightmare free. Just yourself."

Mike shook his head, "I'm not nightmare free and I'm not always happy either." He sighed, "I just hide it from everyone. Don't go the way I did."

"You're not nightmare free?" Alex asked, confused and concerned. "I've never heard-"

"-I know." Mike interrupted, "Because when I'm here, and you'e here." He paused, fully aware of the corny words coming out of his mouth, "I don't have them."

She looked away from him as she thought about it, considering what he'd said. "I'm sorry."

Mike shook his head, "Don't be." He had this feeling that if he'd been given the chance or the right opening he'd explain it to her but this wasn't it and he wasn't about to offer it up.

Alex looked back up at him and she looked ready to cry, whispering, "Please hold me." He complied and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him in a tight embrace, kissing her cheek and softly caressing her back with his hands. He felt her grip his body and he buried his face in the nape of her neck.

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TBC, very soon :)


	12. Chapter 12

A/N This chapter is rated T for the first part.

**Shadow**

Tangled. Twisted. Entwined together and peaceful.

Sensations that she recognised, but hadn't felt for quite some time, were tingling all over her body and her soul. Strange but hypnotic. The sensations that were rippling around her were sending the shadow, that had been encompassing her entire being, far away from them right now.

The only sound in the room was rushed breathing and low moans. Again, forcing the shadow to become out of mind and if it could be seen, it would be out of sight too.

Time was standing still as they moved together. In time. In rhythm. Healing. Emotional. Sharing. Touching.

Words escaped her, she didn't have anything to say. The words 'I love you' seem so out-of-date and unrequired. He knew that, she knew that. When she'd asked him to hold her, he'd known what she had meant. She wanted comfort. She was seeking the kind of comfort only he could give to her. She wanted him to help her release the demons that were threatening to send her into the nut house, where she would feel forgotton. She just wanted him. She wanted to forget everything else.

This was the only way two people could really do that together without speaking words. She needed to be reminded that life goes on and he needed to be reminded that this wasn't a permanent change and that he needed to feel too.

Loved.

That's what they were telling each other, wordlessly reminding each other of that fact. And as their breathing became irratic and their movements became hectic, they knew it was true. When they became still and breathless, they knew that it would never change.

The feeling of her heart pulsing inside and the sound of his heart pounding above her just made her feel relieved and it provoked a sensation of happiness within her. Happiness she never thought she'd feel again.

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Of course, most happiness was short lived. Rain always came back after the sunshine, didn't it? But she felt different inside, like she now had the strength to take this all on. Sitting in that small seat, looking at the woman sitting opposite her and wondering what she thought of all of this, but she'd never get a straight answer.

"You seem different to when we last spoke, would you like to tell me why?"

Olivet looked at Alex with a patient look, one that was starting to make Alex feel like she was less than 3 foot tall and shrinking fast. Alex smiled a little, "I don't know."

Olivet nodded, "Did you seek the support that we spoke about?" Alex didn't say anything so Olivet had no choice but to continue, "I know that you're unwilling to share your thoughts and feelings with me. But, that's the point of you being here." Olivet looked at her for a moment, "If you're not speaking here, who are you speaking to?"

Alex finally decided to answer one of her questions, "Mike." she told her, "And Bobby."

Olivet felt relief inside, she'd finally been given an answer that was worth something, "If I remember correctly, Bobby is your police partner and Mike is your boyfriend?" Alex nodded. "How do you feel about the support they're giving you?" Alex frowned as she thought about the question, unsure of the answer. How did she feel about that? What was she supposed to say? "Okay, let's try one at a time. Bobby? How long have you known him?"

"5 years." Alex replied, after having to quickly count up how many years she'd known the oddball detective.

"That's a long time for a partner. How supportive do you feel he's been?"

Alex shrugged, "He's been very supportive." Olivet looked at her, "What do you want me to say? He's my partner. He's Bobby. He's there if I need to speak to him about it but it's not like I'm going to cry in his arms over it."

Olivet felt some victory. "Why not?"

"Because he's my partner."

"So, there are boundaries that exist between the two of you?"

"Yes." Alex thought that should have been obvious. "He's my partner and I consider him a close friend."

"What about Mike?" Alex shot her a look. "I know we spoke about him before but you weren't very forthcoming."

"What about him?" Alex asked, not choosing to be very forthcoming about him now either.

"How supportive do you feel he's been?"

"He's been - uh - more supportive than I would've expected."

"Do you love him?" Olivet asked, as Alex shot her a deadly look.

"Is this really about him or me?"

"It's about you and _your _feelings." Olivet replied, softly. "Is the answer yes?"

"Yes." Alex hesitated to answer, simply because she found that revealing her feelings to strangers was uncomfortable and Olivet could see her discomfort from the way Alex began to fidget in her seat.

"Do you feel that he loves you?"

Alex looked at Olivet before replying, "Yes." She knew that because he'd just confirmed it to her. She'd been afraid that he didn't love her anymore, that she wasn't the same person she'd been when they'd met but he'd proven to her that that her fears had been unfounded.

Olivet smiled at her, sensing that she was in her own thoughts. "Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?"

"I don't want to." That was the honest truth, Alex didn't want to.

"You feel that your thoughts are private." Olivet commented. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Good." Alex nodded, choosing to fold her arms across her chest and sit quietly.

Olivet watched her do that and she had to admire the stubborness of this woman, even if it was interfering with her assessment of her. "Last time you were here you spoke about your kidnapping. We spoke about how you felt like you'd not done your duty to save the other woman you were trapped with." Alex numbly nodded. "Have you thought any more of that?" Alex suddenly heard her scream again and she closed her eyes. Olivet was reminding her of the dead woman that existed in her mind. Olivet softly smiled and nodded, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want."

Alex couldn't understand why she'd ask a question and then decide she didn't want to know the answer. "Can I go?"

"Yes." Olivet nodded, "But this just means you're avoiding."

"I'm not avoiding." Alex told her, stubbornly, as she stood up and headed for the door.

"What do you call it?" Olivet asked, as Alex reached the door.

"Moving on." Alex told her and then she opened the door and quickly hurried out of the building.

She was walking so fast, she was moving at such as a speed that she didn't see anyone in front of her. Without looking she bumped straight into the alarmed man. "Oh, I'm sorry." Picking his bag up off the floor, the man looked at her dumbfounded.

"You should watch where you're going." He told her, angrily.

"So should you." Alex told him before turning away and walking away. She figured it takes two people to bump into each other, not just one. Her walk turned into a steady run as she quickly headed anywhere.

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Bobby was buried neck deep in paperwork. He found that having to do most of the work himself meant that it was less fun and much harder. He hadn't really realised how much he'd relied on Alex's ability to help him get his work done as well as her own. When he's phone began ringing, he had to start looking for it. He knew it was amongst the mass of papers and files but he couldn't find it.

Standing still, in the interview room, he carefully listened for it and followed the direction of sound till he reached a wad of papers and books. Lifting some of it up, he found he's cell and quickly flipped it open to answer before the person gave up on ringing him altogether. "Goren."

_"Bobby?" _Bobby instantly recognised Alex's voice and the desperation in it.

"Eames? Are you alright?" He knew that that was a stupid question, he could tell she wasn't.

_"Could you please fetch me? I tried to call Mike but I can't reach him." _She sounded so small and frightened that for a moment Bobby wasn't sure that it was his partner he was talking to.

"Uh, Logan is in interrogation." Bobby offered as explanation. He'd seen him and his new partner head there earlier. "Where are you? At Olivet?"

_"Yes. Are you coming?" _

"Y-yes. I will be there." Bobby quickly slapped his cell shut and grabbed his coat, heading straight out of the squadroom at a quick pace. He'd heard the urgency in her voice and it caused him to worry about her.

-----------------------------------

"I'm not going back."

Each word was pronounced carefully so that there was no misunderstanding and so that later he couldn't deny she'd said those words. Her determination set on high and her stubborness turned up to full.

"Eames." Bobby began, looking at her as she sat down in her living room with a cup of coffee. "It's going to be long and difficult. You can't give up now."

"You wanna bet?" Alex asked, sarcastically. Looking up at him sharply.

"Once you start, it gets easier." Bobby tried but Alex shook her head. Bobby sighed, looking at her now it seemed he'd never get through to her but he had to try. "What was it that she said that made you change your mind?"

Alex turned away from him, "Nothing."

"It has to be something." Bobby insisted.

She shook her head, pointing at herself. "It was me. I don't want to go back. You're not gonna change my mind about this, either." She was angry and he could tell.

"Maybe not, but do you seriously think you'll be allowed back if you don't keep going?"

She shot him a look, "Is that what this is about? Me going back to work?" Bobby took a step back, surprised at her anger and how it seemed to be aimed toward him, "What? You don't want a different partner?"

"Eames, this isn't about me." Bobby told her, sincerely. "And no, I don't want a different partner."

Alex snorted, "Well, tough, because it looks like that's what you're getting." She turned away from him completely and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

"Eames?" Bobby tried but she didn't look round, she didn't acknowledge him. "Alex?" She moved a little and it showed him that she was listening. "Alex, don't you think you're coming back?"

She shrugged and turned to him, "Maybe, maybe not."

"Okay, I know that you are ... coming back."

"Bobby, I don't know about that." She didn't seem so angry anymore, she was worried. "I can't forget about it. I can't forget about her." Bobby looked at her, unsure of which 'her' she was referring to. "Olivet told me before that I had survivor guilt."

"I know." Bobby told her and she believed him. Since when did anything ever pass by him without him being aware of it. "She can help you through that." Alex seemed so deep in thought that Bobby wasn't sure she'd heard him but he didn't want to interrupt her because she seemed to be deeply considering something she thought as important.

Something Olivet said was now stuck in Alex's mind. About how much support she received from Bobby and Mike. Maybe she didn't need to speak to her, maybe it should be them she was completely talking to. They knew her better for a start and she didn't want to feel like she was just 3 foot tall anymore. She was brought out of her musings by the sound of her cell ringing.

Visibly shaking herself she looked at Bobby, who had a curious look on his face. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and quickly answered it. Bobby knew he was the moment her face softened and she seemed to relax; it was Mike. Obviously he'd discovered the missed call on his phone. He listened to her as she explained why she'd called him and that she was at home and okay now. Bobby wanted to say that Mike should come home straight away because she wasn't okay but he kept his mouth shut. But an idea was forming in Bobby's mind...

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TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Shadow**

He felt heavy. His feet were dragging across the floor, his shoes were being discarded the moment he walked through the door. Feeling the weight of fatigue pull him down, Mike felt like dropping where he stood and falling to sleep instantly. At her house, though, because he worried about her ever since he'd been told she'd left Olivet and decided not to go back. Walking into her living room he firstly noted that it was silent, not full of booming music like before, and that she was absent from the room.

Concerned, yet still tired, he continued through the house towards the only other room he could think of her being in; her bedroom.

Reaching the bedroom he quietly opened the door and looked around it. The soft light being emitted from the bedside lamp was dim and not overly powerful but it helped to outline the female body sleeping on the bed. Alex was fully clothed, sleeping on top of the bed sheets; on her side and facing away from Mike.

Now knowing where she was and that she was okay, Mike could resume with what he was doing, which happened to be what she was doing. Sleeping. Quietly, he pulled off several layers of clothing until he reached his boxers and then walked around the bed to her side where he gently, very gently, moved her so that she was inside the covers. Then, making creeping movements, he walked around the bed and climbed into it, immediately seeking warmth from her sleeping body, spooning her and wrapping his arms around her.

Sleep took him without a seconds hesitation. Sleeping the moment his eyes were closed and he felt comfortable next to her.

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Opening her eyes, she felt the chilling screams fade away. The images from the dream starting to dissolve and as she realised where she was she felt safe, for the most part. Turning, she saw Mike sleeping on his back, his arm resting on his forehead. Suddenly feeling a strange need to leave the room, to move around and breathe, she quickly got up and fled her bedroom.

Walking into the hall she felt the cold hit her like a storm. Her arms instinctively folded and she began rubbing her upper arms with her hands to try to keep them warm. Shivering from the intense cold she walked into her kitchen and taking a glass from the drainer she poured some water and drank it; gulping. Downing the entire glass in one shot, she had to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. Putting the glass back down on the work surface, she walked out of the room and started back for the bedroom.

But she stopped.

A sound coming from the living room made her turn and look in the direction of the room.

It was a sound that was both familiar and alien. A scratching sound, like something scraping along a metal bar.

Curiosity got the better of her and she slowly walked towards the living room. Her heart was pounding at the thought of an intruder in her home; again. But when she reached the room she was stunned to see Bobby.

Bobby?

He was standing next to her window, moving the curtains along the rails as if checking them for inconsistency. "What are you doing?" Alex asked, surprised by the sound of her own voice.

Bobby looked at her, smiling.

Alex looked at the curtains and frowned, "I thought you'd changed those?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I put these ones back." He seemed happy about it but it frightened Alex.

"Why?"

Bobby smiled, "Well, you said that you remembered Amanda's screaming. That Olivet said you had survivor guilt. Well, the curtain sound is connected."

"Huh?" Alex was confused. Bobby usually had a way of explaining things in better detail, this wasn't working for her.

"Yeah, I had an idea." Bobby told her, as if he was theorising on a way to deal with a suspect.

"An idea?"

"Yes. I believe that if we re-create the sounds for you, Amanda will come back." The chill in the room dropped further to the point of blizzard. Bobby smiled at Alex and she felt her whole body start to collapse in on itself as she looked at her partner with both disgust and fear.

"What?" She whispered. Her voice failing her as her breath became constricted. He nodded, holding out his arm, pointing to something behind her. Alex turned her head, unwillingly, and as she spotted the young woman standing in by her front door she felt the scream escape her lungs. Amanda was standing by her door, covering in stab wounds and dried blood. Her clothes torn and ripped in many places, her body battered but her eyes were pleading, pleading with Alex to help her. To save her. Alex reached out to her but...

It was to only find herself screaming loudly, back in her bedroom, sitting up in bed. Closing her mouth slightly and stopping the sound she was surprised when she felt somebody's arms around her, turning she saw a confused Mike trying to comfort her but she couldn't hear anything. She slowly began to feel his body heat and she instantly gravitated towards it, throwing herself into his arms and tightly wrapping her own around his neck.

Slowly, sound began to penetrate her ears again and she realised he was talking to her, "...it's just a dream." His voice would've been soothing if she couldn't tell he sounded panicked as well. The part of her brain that was starting to function told her that she'd awoken him from his sleep and shocked him.

"I-" She tried to speak but her mind just couldn't comprehend what had just happened. "I-" Mike kissed her head and she gave up speaking.

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Morning hadn't arrived fast enough. Sleep had eluded her from the moment she'd violently woken up from her nightmare. The sight of Bobby's creepy smile and Amanda's dead body just burnt itself into her eyes; the dead body especially. Something about the way she seemed alive and dead at the same time seemed to evoke a strong feeling of fear in Alex that she didn't want to remember but she was having a hard time forgetting it.

She had tried to sleep but she couldn't. Mike did, however, and she couldn't blame him. He seemed so tired but he did keep waking up everytime she moved, which is why she had decided to stay where she was so that he could sleep. One of them needed to be one hundred percent and it clearly wasn't her right now so it had to be him.

Once he woke up and was wide awake, however, she quickly left the bedroom and rushed into the bathroom where she stayed in the shower, hoping the hot water would burn it all away; almost scolding her skin with the need to wash the dream away.

It hadn't worked. All she'd gained from it was a nice red skin. Red skin that would probably fade faster than the images of her nightmare. That was a certainty.

"After yesterday I didn't think you'd be back next week, let alone the next day." Now, she was sat back in that chair, in that dimly lit office with her arms folded across her chest, tightly protecting herself from any outside harm.

Alex tried to offer a smile but it didn't appear at all. She looked at Dr. Olivet and just sighed, "You were right." Her voice was tight and a whisper.

Olivet didn't gloat, she didn't do a happy dance in celebration of the fact she was right. She just sat there, looking at Alex, a sympathy in her eyes that made Alex feel slightly sick but at least it wasn't rubbed into her face. "What made you change your mind?"

Alex closed her eyes and tried not to allow her mind to recall the images of the nightmare but she didn't succeed but the images flashed through her mind like a picture album. "I had a dream." Alex opened her eyes and looked at Olivet, hoping she wasn't showing the vulnerability that she felt inside. "About her."

"Her?" Olivet asked, unsure of who this 'her' was.

Alex nodded. "Amanda."

"She was the other victim being held?" Olivet asked, for clarification more than anything else. Alex nodded. "But you didn't see her?"

"No, I heard her."

"Had you ever met her?" Alex nodded, slowly. "When?"

Alex swallowed hard as she tried to force the memory of her dream to the back of her mind whilst she tried to remember the current thing Olivet was asking for. "At the video store." Alex was becoming well aware of this being the same day/evening that Amanda would've been taken; when she was. "I told her that we'd-" she paused, trying not to allow any emotion to show, "-we'd have a squad car come pick her up-" she looked at Olivet and spoke slowly, "-so that she would feel safe." Olivet nodded, in understanding.

"So, you tried to protect her."

She shrugged, "I guess." Alex didn't really believe that.

Olivet leaned forward slightly in her chair, in a friendly way, hoping to gain some kind of trust from Alex, "You need to believe that that wasn't your fault." Alex just looked at her, not saying a word. How was she supposed to believe that? "You tried to help her before you even knew she was in danger. What more do you feel you could have done?"

"I was there." Alex replied, emphatically, "I got out afterwards, I should have done it earlier."

"When the killer was still there?" Olivet spoke like she knew that would have been a fatal decision on Alex's part.

Alex stared at her, "I still should've tried."

"If you had you would've died." Olivet spoke with certainty.

"And what? I wouldn't be here to have this conversation, is that the rest of your sentence?" Alex asked, a hint of sarcasm and definite attitude.

Olivet shrugged and the nodded, "That wasn't what I was going to say, but it's accurate, don't you think?" Alex didn't reply. "As a cop would you say you always do your best to save lives?"

Alex hesitated before replying, she wasn't entirely sure of the answer. "I always try."

"You feel you failed?" Olivet asked but Alex sense it was rhetorical, she thought it was obvious. "Is it not more likely that you just didn't get the chance to try?" Alex didn't respond, "And that you didn't fail as a cop but you succeeded as a woman escaping the claws of a serial killer?"

Although Alex didn't speak, Olivet could see that what she had said had made some kind of impact on her. Alex felt herself pause, as the words started repeating inside her mind. Had she?

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"She's been in there for a long time? You don't suppose she's snuck out of the bathroom window?" Mike looked at Bobby, his curiosity and concern forcing him to voice his thoughts. This caused Bobby to stop with his own thoughts and look at Mike with a frown before piecing together what the man had said to him.

"No, I-I don't think she has. They probably have alot to discuss."

"Ah." Mike nodded and turned back to what he'd been doing; chomping on sweets as they sat in the SUV, waiting outside of Dr. Olivet's office building whilst Alex was inside having a one-on-one conversation with her. Bobby returned to his own thoughts whilst Mike began tapping his foot on the floor and knocking out a 1.2 rhythm with his fingers.

Bored with the quiet, Mike turned back to Bobby and sighed, "Do you think she's alright?"

"I think she's struggling with it but she's a-a fighter." Bobby replied quietly, slightly annoyed because he wanted to be quiet.

"I know that, but..." Bobby looked at Mike as he paused, "But you didn't hear her scream last night."

Bobby realised that sitting quietly in his own thoughts probably wasn't going to happen, "Did she talk about it?"

Mike shook his head, "She didn't say much about it." Bobby looked towards the door that they were expecting Alex to walk out of, and sighed.

"It's probably got something to do with Amanda." Bobby theorised.

Mike looked at him, "The dead girl?" Bobby nodded and Mike turned away from him for a moment thinking about that.

"Has she mentioned her to you?"

Mike nodded, "Yeah." Mike was now looking at the black door, the one Alex had entered.

"That's a-a good thing."

Mike turned to him and frowned, "That she's hearing the screams of a dead girl and feels she should of saved her? How is _that_ a good thing?" Mike asked, incredulously. He never did understand Bobby's way of thinking.

Bobby shook his head, "No, that she's talking to you about it." Bobby was about to say something else when he heard a buzzing noise. Looking at Mike's coat pocket, he raised an eyebrow at him; especially when he noticed Mike was ignoring it.

Mike noticed him, "It's probably Wheeler."

"Your new partner?" Bobby asked and Mike nodded. "Don't you think you should answer it?"

"She's supposed to be talking to Danielle."

"Danielle?" Bobby asked, interested.

"Yeah." Mike didn't seem so interested, his eyes were still locked on that door they were expecting Alex to walk out of. "A teacher whose been having an affair with one of her students." He glanced at Bobby before turning his attention back to the door, "Don't ask."

Before Bobby could actually ask, out of interest, the door opened and Alex walked out. This caused both men to quickly step out of the SUV and head towards her. She seemed startled by the rush they were in. "Hey." Mike walked over to her and was next to her by the time she reached the bottom step. "How did it go?"

Alex nodded slightly, "It went okay. I'm coming back next week." She looked at both of them and smiled slightly, "You both waited?" They nodded and she looked at Mike with suspiscion, "Don't you have a case that you're working on?"

"Yeah, sure." Mike replied, dismissively. "It's no problem."

Alex knew that that wasn't true but she nodded and accepted his open arm and leaned into him as they walked back across the road to the car. Her mind still caught up on the words that Olivet had said to her, maybe she would be okay, maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe she'd done the right thing, maybe this would all work out and she'd be able to go to work.

Maybe there was too many maybes.

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TBC

I'm not sure how well I know Olivet's character to really be writing her. You see, I've only seen a handful of episodes with her in so... let me know.


	14. Chapter 14

**Shadow**

"Close the door. Close the door."

Mike was stunned for a moment before he did as he'd been instructed and closed the front door to Alex's house. Turning he looked at her, confused by her insistence he closed the door, and noticed she was standing in the middle of the room with a face of concentration as she seemed to be listening out for something. "What is it?" Mike asked, looking around the room but not seeing anything out of the ordinary. He had to admit, it did cross his mind that she was perhaps going slightly crazy.

Alex put her index finger to her lips, "PJ got free." She spoke quietly, almost a whisper, not wanting to frighten the bird anymore than it probably already had.

He frowned, "Don't you normally let those fly free for a while?"

She shot him a look but turned away to continue looking around the room, "Not when it doesn't really know me, no." She put her finger back to her mouth, her face showing him that he should be quiet before he was in trouble. Instead he watched her as she slowly moved around the room and he was shocked and surprised when she began making similar chirping noises that PJ had been making. His eyebrows almost reaching his hairline, he'd never heard her do that one before.

He was even more surprised when he heard another one that didn't come from her mouth, either there was an echo in the room or that bird was answering back. Without warning Alex moved away from him and started towards the sofa, once she was there she carefully walked behind it and looked in the window. Spotting PJ up at the top of the window, trying to reach the outside world, not truly understanding the danger but instinctively wanting to breathe in the fresh air and sing with the other wild birds that existed.

Alex backed off and turned to the sofa to pick up the small net she'd gathered earlier. Not really wanting to be cruel and capture him but she had no choice to, she quickly caught PJ in the net and loosely held it together as she carried him back to his cage. "Well, check out Ace Ventura." Mike commented, sarcastically, only to be met with an eye roll from Alex.

Once she'd carefully put him back in his cage she quickly closed it and watched as the bird fluttered around the cage, at unease with the entire situation and suddenly frightened of Alex, which hurt her feelings a little but she expected that it wouldn't last. Alex backed away from the cage to give him space and turned to Mike, who was still stood at the front door with a surprised expression on his face. She laughed a little at him and took his hand to lead him into the house.

"Thank you for closing the door." Alex told him, although he couldn't quite tell if it was a genuine thank you or a sarcastic one.

Mike shrugged, "What happened?"

She looked back at PJ who was standing on a perch, breathing. "I opened the cage to feed him and he took me by surprise."

"Sneaky." Alex laughed a little. Mike just realised she was laughing, but he wasn't going to say anything, he was just pleased she was. "How long were you chasing him around the house?"

After a moments consideration she said, "About an hour." She looked at him and back at the clock on the TV, "It's the middle of the afternoon, what are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be working?"

Mike grinned, "I'm playing hookie." She shot him a look, "No, actually, I've come to fetch you."

"Fetch me?" Unable to hide the annoyance in her voice at the way that sounded like she was a child at kindegarten.

He leaned into her, "Yeah, we've got a surprise for you."

"Oh, you and surprises." She feigned annoyance at that one, truthfully she liked the idea of another surprise but that meant going out. "Who's we?"

"Ah, that would be telling."

"Tell it anyway." Alex replied, insistent.

Mike shook his head, "No." He looked at her, his face going soft to try to convince her to move from the spot she was standing in, "C'mon, C'mon. It'll be fun."

Hesitant, she looked around the room, "I don't know..."

"C'mon Alex, you only seem to leave the house when you have to see Liz." Mike told her, referring to Olivet, not showing any sign of defeat. Still hesitant, she looked at him and he smiled at her, hoping to coax her out of the house. "Look, I promise it's something good and it's worth going out for." He took a step back and held out his hand, offering to hold hers and lead her out of the house. Alex looked at him and at his hand and slowly took it, he smiled and led her out, locking her door behind them.

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A room filled with people. The crowded room feeling like it was filled by a thousand people, although it was probably not true but she did feel that she knew every single one of them. Well, most of them anyway. The only one she didn't know was Mike's new partner, whom she had not met yet. Looking around the room at the sea of faces that were looking back at her she felt so overwhelmed. She spotted her brothers and sisters, their children, her parents and other relatives, she quickly spotted Bobby and Carolyn, Deakins and his wife. Former partners and work colleagues who had worked with her at places before and at Major Case.

However, one meant the most, and she spotted him just before he spotted her but the moment he laid eyes on her, he squealed with delight and rushed over to her immediately, causing the room to be quiet. "Auntie Alex, Auntie Alex." He squealed, his small legs moving quickly as he reached her at the same time she knelt to the floor, holding each other close. His little arms wrapping around her neck. "I missed you Auntie Alex." The boy, Nathan, was the child that Alex had given birth to for her sister, Jo, almost three years ago.

"I missed you too." She spoke quietly and as she stood back up she kept him in her arms, picking him up with her. Alex turned around, back towards the door that she'd entered, to see Mike standing there, leaning on the door frame, smiling at her.

She smiled back.

"Okay, okay." Jo's voice ripped through the atmosphere like a steady knife. Her bubbly voice cutting through the misty eyes of everyone who'd been watching. "There's nothing to see, nothing to see. Get back to what you were doing." Jo walked over to her sister and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, you two are gonna cause a widespread epidemic of tears and exploding sentimental hearts." Jo looked at Alex and back at her son, who was refusing to release his grip on his favourite aunt.

"Yeah, I think even Wheeler shed a tear." Mike commented and Alex rolled her eyes, she needed to get him to get a long with his new partner before that one left too.

"Surprise." Eric, her brother, called out quietly as he walked over to her.

Alex smiled at him. "You're idea?" She asked.

Eric shook his head, "Nope. Bobby's actually. They say he's a genius, I never listened, until now." Alex had to let go of Nathan so she bent down and forced him to loosen his grip on her, instead she took his little hand in her own and held it. Standing back up, he wrapped his free arm around her leg.

"He's gonna have the death grip on you for a long time." Jo commented, "He's been asking for you for the past two weeks."

Alex looked down at him and smiled at him, he grinned back. Bobby walked over to them and Alex looked back up, speaking as she did so, "You're in trouble."

Bobby looked stunned, "What? W-Why?"

"Cause I hear this is your idea."

Jo and Eric grinned, looking at Bobby who stared back at them, "Y-you weren't supposed t-to tell her whose idea it was."

They laughed, "Well, I never did do as I was told." Eric explained, laughing. Mike looked at Bobby's upset face and laughed as well, this had to be worth it in his opinion.

"You're not really in trouble." Alex said, taking it back.

Bobby frowned, "No?" She shook her head, "Then why did you...?" He let his sentence slip, nodding, he realised why she'd done it, she was doing what she was always did; get the better of him. Bobby turned away in time to see Carolyn walk over with Wheeler, Mike's new younger partner.

"Mike, don't you think you're forgetting something?" Carolyn asked him with a grin.

Mike looked at her and then at Wheeler. "Oh. Right." He snapped his fingers and looked at Alex, who frowned. "Alex, this is my new partner Megan Wheeler." Mike turned to Carolyn, who rolled her eyes. "Good enough for you, Barek?" Wheeler smiled

"It'll have to do." Carolyn replied, shaking her head.

Wheeler decided to be a bit more upfront and introduce herself, "I'm Megan Wheeler." She held out her hand to Alex, who slowly took it.

"Alex Eames." They shook hands and then let go.

"So, you're his..." Wheeler looked from Mike to Alex and stopped speaking.

Alex smirked, "That would be me."

"This is kind of awkward." Wheeler commented quietly, unsure of who Alex was and what to say. Frustrated with herself for being that way, this wasn't her. _Snap out of it._

"It's getting there." Alex had heard her.

"Oh, I didn't mean..." Alex held up her hand for her to stop talking.

"No, it's okay." Alex grinned, looking at Mike before continuing; noticing his amused expression. "So you know Captain Ross?"

Wheeler nodded, "Yes. We've worked together in the past."

"So, you can tell us if we're in for a rough ride or not?"

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Seeing everyone in the same room had been a reminder to Alex that life does go on. Seeing Nathan had reminded her of her own life, and what she'd done in the past. The words of Olivet still ringing in her mind. She'd succeeded in escaping a serial killer that would've had no hesitation when it came to killing her.

She had done the right thing. Maybe it would take a while for her to forget the screams of Amanda and maybe it'd be a while before she could replace the blinds on her windows but she had her family.

She had a support system.

But was she faking it? She felt that throughout the entire party she wasn't all there still and she just kept looking to Mike, as if he was an anchor to reality for her. She'd always been a good actress that's what made her so effective at being undercover.

"What you thinking?" Mike asked, as they laid down on the bed, side by side; him on his side facing her as she was on her back looking up at the ceiling.

Alex shrugged, "Lots of things." She turned to her side to face him and their noses brushed each other and she smiled. She moved a little so that she was a little lower, resting her head under his chin and allowing him to wrap his arms around her shoulders.

Mike didn't bother asking her what those 'lots of things' were, he figured she'd tell him when she wanted to, if she wanted to. She moved again and he was surprised by it, he thought she was falling to sleep. She pulled away from him and rested her head on her pillow, still facing him, she looked into his eyes and stayed there for a moment. "What?"

She smiled, "Thank you."

Mike frowned a little, confused by the gratitude and unsure of where it was coming from, "For what?"

Smiling softly, "For putting up with all of this, you didn't have to. You could've left at any time but you didn't."

Mike nodded for a moment, feeling how serious she was but never one to allow the tone to fall to gravely serious he said, "I could've left? Oh, now she tells me." Alex laughed quietly. "Your welcome." He grinned at her and kissed her gently, barely touching her lips but enough so that some contact was made. "Do I get a thank you gift?"

A grin broke out on Alex's face that Mike was welcomed to see, if that was his gift then he figured he'd be happy with it but when she used her index finger to indicate for him to come closer to her, he realised that his gift was much more fun than that. Without hesitation he pulled his body over hers.

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Thank you for reading, please take a few moments to let me know what you thought of this story.


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